Wishing Christmas Was Over...

I was surprised this morning when I came downstairs and saw that my husband put up the tree. He is the sweetest man I know...he is trying to keep the faith for both of us right now. I had no plans of putting up the tree. Honestly, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when we are getting on the plane for Kazakhstan (whenever that may be). I wish I could fast forward this entire holiday season.

Mourning the loss of Alexander is only half the battle. The other half is working with an agency that we don't trust and wondering what will happen next. I live in fear every day that when and if our agency ever gets us to Kazakhstan that we should rest assured it will be the most difficult (in the sense of problems) journey in adoption history. You would think they would want to get rid of me already :-)

I am not even sure I can make it through this week at work...four and a half days left and we are on winter break, but it will be a LONG four and a half days - we have the pep rally and the kids are usually jumping out of their skin this week and not in the learning mode. While I always do a good job of not taking out my frustrations of my students I am certainly worried that this week will be too much to handle. It is a double-edged sword though - the alternative is to stay home in bed and wish I was dead. Not exactly a great choice either.

I have not a clue how I will get through Christmas. It won't be pretty I can tell you that. I haven't got the energy to put on a smile and just get through it gracefully. I only feel guilty that my poor husband has to put up with my pathetic state right now.

Responding to Ann Young...

Ann Young left a message on my friend Muriel's blog that really pisses me off. I have a feeling Ann Young could be gang raped and still forgive the people for simply being "human" and fallible. She misses the point COMPLETELY - must be over her head. What constitutes a successful adoption? It appears to me that her motto would be "the end justifies the means". It is people like Ann Young that allow the criminals and wayward people of our society to commit the crimes they do with no justice to the victims. She is one of the most naive women I have ever had the displeasure of "knowing" - it is NOT the wait Ann, it is NOT that there are bumps in the road Ann, not all people who have a bone to pick with Orson are just being too hard on the "poor, poor" Orson. WE WERE LIED TO! Get it through your thick skull that YOUR experience does NOT represent EVERYONE's experience. For those of us who have been lied to by Orson - we have the RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to speak out against the unethical and ILLEGAL practices utilized to lure us into adopting through AIP! Are you out of your mind??? How dare you come onto Muriel's blog with your bullshit and negate her emotions and feelings which are legitimate in light of how she was treated!!! You are a hypocrite. If you want to keep your head in the sand that is your business but don't you DARE come and judge those of us who have been victimized. You are truly a heartless bitch.

Thank You Muriel

Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers and all your support Muriel. This has been such a long and difficult journey, but I am glad I found a friend in you through it. I can't wait until we are both home with our children...your little girl and our little boy - safe at home where God intended them to be surrounded by love. I pray this all happens soon for both of us.

Love,
Dawn

Broken-Hearted and Empty

There are no words to describe what we are feeling right now. Our agency just informed us that our baby boy, although still at the orphange, cannot be adopted due to hs mother not relinquishing him for adoption. I feel nothing but hopelessness. This entire adoption has been the worst experience of our lives.

All I want for Christmas is...

our LOI! I am praying hard every night that we get that LOI some time in December and travel in January. I wish there was more consistency so I could estimate, but I have seen people get it anywhere from one month to three months! I have no idea if the region you are traveling to makes a difference or the agency or the sex of the child - or if it is simply just whenever they get to it.

It would have been soooo nice to have him home for the holidays, but that is obviously not going to happen - so I will just have to dream how nice it will be next year. For now I am trying to keep my mind occupied! I am glad I have work to keep me busy. I am starting to pack as well...and with that comes shopping too! Fun :-) I purchased everything I can think of "just in case" - exzema cream, children's Tylenol, Baby Oragel, Baby Vicks, and so on...

I am curious what others did regarding feeding when they adopted toddlers. I saw that Nestle Good Start has a toddler formula with Vitamin D and Iron added. However, he should be starting to eat solids by now, right? I am guessing that we will have to see as we go. Any suggestions from you smart bloggy mommies?