The End of the Adoption Journey to Nowhere

This will be my final post on this blog. We are moving toward a new chapter in our lives and think it only fitting to write the last page of this story. Not a single day goes by that we don't think about Alex, Stas, or Stephen (and his baby brother whom we never met, but prayed for just as much) and our pregnancy certainly hasn't changed that. I dream of the boys at night and think of them throughout the day. They will always be a part of our lives. God knows we did everything humanly possible to make it have a happy ending, but were met with constant road blocks, closed doors, and unwilling or unmotivated "powers that be". I don't know if it is best for the boys to never know about what transpired or if someday it is best for them to know that somebody desperately wanted them. Only time will bring that answer.

We have learned a lot during this journey. Some of the lessons were positive: our marriage survived and thrived through both public and private pain. Some were negative: We learned that some "friends" are not as true as they seem. Some were just "life lessons" that can't really be neatly placed in one category. One of these is the fact that no matter what issue it is: adoption, abortion, racism, gay marriage, animal rights - you name it - there are extreme viewpoints on both sides and most people are so firmly entrenched in defending "their" viewpoint that arguing is futile. It is no wonder that our world is in such trouble - these issues are merely microcosms of our universal issues.

I certainly can't end this blog by telling you that I am glad it all happened and would do it over if I had to. I wouldn't. I am not glad it happened. I don't feel better off having uncovered the evils that I have. I will simply say that it was what is was; it happened; it hurt like hell, and now we are moving toward a new chapter in our lives.

Thank you so much to the many "virtual friends" who have followed our journey, prayed for us and the boys, and supported us in some of our darkest times. I hope you will join us on our new blog: www.bloomingbelly.blogspot.com.

NEWS...

We did not plan on making this announcement so early, but word got out at my job and all of our friends and family know and quite frankly I am about to bust: We are pregnant :) We are seven weeks and due on May 3, 2009. The IVF worked, thank God, on the first try. I say thank God for two reasons: First, because it truly is thanks to God for this blessing, and second because as anyone who has been through IVF knows - it is not fun!

We had 19 eggs retrieved. Out of those...eleven actually fertilized. Five of them made it to Day 5 post-fertilization, 2 were transferred and 3 are now frozen. One miracle implanted! We heard the baby's heartbeat on Wednesday and it was surreal!

So far I feel good. No morning sickness...only some nausea if I wait too long to eat. I MUST have something every two hours or I feel crappy so I keep a lot of fresh fruit, fruit cups, crackers, etc. with me. My earliest symptoms were just heaviness in my breasts, itchy nipples (I thought that one was weird, but someone else said she had that one too!) and a strong urine smell. After the embryos were transferred I had two nights of MAJOR night sweats, but have not had them since. I had some pretty bad headaches that first week as well, but that could simply be due to the Progesterone injections (which we stop in two weeks ~ finally!)

Regarding Stephen and his brother (and the Kazak Embassy): If you adopted from Kaz and you only want to hear nice things about the country, please stop reading at this point. Joe and I feel nothing but disgust for all of the people in Kazakhstan that we dealt with throughout our adoption (with the caregivers and our drivers being the only exceptions.) The people we have dealt with have been apathetic and downright cruel. We resent that they asked us to meet with them in July and tore open the scab that was forming over our hearts by telling us the boys are available and that they were going to do "everything possible" to help us adopt them. I nearly cancelled our IVF procedure and thank God that in the end we did not.

Almat (Head of the Consular Section), as you saw from the e-mails I posted, barely answered our questions and recently his help - that was supposed to be "everything possible" - in reality - turned into giving us a contact person who could help us with the adoption. We did not need a contact person - we needed a swift acting Embassy official to insure our safety and complete this adoption a.s.a.p. so these boys could have a chance at life. Sadly, the Embassy had no intention of offering any "substantial" assistance and only proved my first assumption correct: It was all just lip service. Now, they can say "We met with the De Lorenzo's and offered assistance." They can use this quote to answer any reporters who question why they did not step up to the plate. Every single one of the people we dealt with, who had it within their power to help and didn't, make us sick to our stomachs.

Some people say "Oh, you can only blame Orson Mozes and his wife who is the co-owner and Executive Director and nobody else." Orson and Christen are, of course, the only reason we were in this mess to begin with. However, there are many who could have, and should have, helped to make things right once it was apparent that Orson was working with corrupt people on the Kazak end. It is outrageous that Nigmat is still abusing people and that Dr. Natalia, the Director of the Baby House - as well as Almagul are all still going about their evil business while the Embassy is FULLY AWARE of what they are doing! It is shameful. Lastly, I think it needs to be made very CLEAR to PAPs that Heritage Adoptions is using Nigmat. I am sure other agencies are as well, but Heritage is the one I know for sure is using him. BE VERY WEARY!

Article in Conceive Magazine

The fall 2008 issue of Conceive Magazine just hit the stands. The article that we were interviewed for is "How to Avoid an Adoption Scam" by Joan Fleischer Tamen starting on page 56. Click on the title of this post to read it. My husband thinks it makes us look like idiots. I think it is a good article. What do you all think?

Update

We are beyond frustrated with the Embassy. In traditional Kazak style they have left us hanging for weeks now begging for the simplest answers to our questions. When they actually do respond they answer a minuscule portion of what we asked them. The anger we feel cannot be described. Why would they bother putting this on the table and placing this in our healing hearts only to treat us this way once more? It is beyond callous. It is mental and emotional abuse. To read the e-mail exchange between myself and the Embassy click HERE. I am confident you will see why we are so frustrated and angry.

We got our home study updated and we are just waiting for the final copy of it to mail in with our i600a application. We will wait and see what the Embassy has to say, if anything. It is OBVIOUS that we are not using anyone from AIP and would NEVER think of using ANYONE that Orson associated with. Yet, the Head of the Consular Dept. sent us an e-mail telling us to send our papers to our facilitator as soon as we can! Ummm...WE DON'T HAVE A FACILITATOR! So, once more I e-mailed the same questions I have been asking for over a month now...and we will be lucky if they respond some time in the next week. It really is quite pathetic. Then they wonder why we feel everything they say is lip service. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

On a different topic: As I have mentioned, we are going through IVF. Yesterday was my retrieval and they retrieved 19 eggs! Today we will find out how many fertilized. God willing we will become parents somehow.

The Next Step...

Some people have e-mailed me about their desire to post about us on their blog or link to us. By all means ~ we graciously accept any help and attention that can be brought our way. The ChipIn Widget will continue to accept donations, but we prefer to take it one step at a time since we are not sure what is to come and need to live in the "maybe" zone for our own sanity. As I said, the Embassy is not promising that this will happen and said they cannot "hold" the boys for us. This is one of the primary reasons we have been so hesitant to even open our hearts to this at all. We have been burned severely with this adoption and do not trust anyone or anything that is said to us. Thank you to all who sent words of encouragement, donations, and for all of your prayers. It means so very much to us! It is truly in God's hands.

Mason's Mom asked: Are you willing to adopt other children?
Our Answer: No, the only children we would ever adopt internationally are Stephen and his brother. Our paperwork is being done for these children only and we cannot adopt any others in the orphanage as we are not redoing our dossier...only a few required documents requested by the Embassy and the Office of Children's Rights in order to adopt Stephen and his brother.