Frustrated

Since court is Wednesday - Joe e-mailed Nigmat and asked if we could call him late Wednesday night (Thursday am in Kaz) to get an update. Unfortunately, Nigmat will be out of the country and gave us the old adage that "...if God wants you to win you will" and told us to "pray and be patient"! Ummm - hellllllooooo!!!! We have been patient! I don't think we are asking for a lot when we say we want to know what occurs in court each day! God, I just want this to end!!! I want this to end, I want this to end, I want this to end, I want this to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am seriously depressed and on the road toward needing some electric shock treatment at this point...perhaps I can just stick a fork in the socket and get the same result?

Honestly, I can't do this anymore. I need this to end - even if the outcome is not what we want. I need to move forward. Being in limbo for this long is making me sick. How can any person on earth look at pictures of their son and yet hold back emotions since he may not end up being with you? How can we work so hard to save money (selling things on e-bay and amazon and asking for donations, etc...) in order to afford the flight back to Kazakhstan while living in fear that we won't have to go back to Kazakhstan? How do I mourn and yet hold onto faith at the same time? Every single decision in our lives hinges on whether or not we are going to be Stephen's parents! I can't even sign up for a flexible spending account at work for childcare since we don't know if we will have a child!