My friend Muriel and I often discuss this issue as we are traveling blind and have the same worries that many AP's do when adopting a child with little to no medical information. A blog friend was recently informed by her doctor that FAS is suspected. Sometimes the common facial features and characteristics are significant enough to detect...other times the child looks perfectly "normal" and delays are expected when a child has been in an orphanage so that is not always a reliable factor.
First I think it is important that people understand that even if your child is diagnosed or suspected of having FAS it is NOT a locked door to your child's future and possibilities. As a special education teacher working with students who have learning disabilities every day I am often awed by my students' talents and their spirits. I tell them every single day that graduating with a 4.0 and going on to college are not the things that define them...it is more important that they are kind and loving people!
So, I am curious about what other AP's have done when traveling blind with little medical information provided? Did you utilize one of the adoption medical specialists here in the states? Did you bring data with you to compare? Or did you just go with your heart? Were there medical issues discovered after you were home and saw your own pediatrician?
10 comments:
Hi...as you know, after we lost our referral, we traveled blind. We just knew that it was God's will. We chose Grace on how we felt the moment we met her. It just felt right. We were not going to be concerned with any health issued, because God led us there and we already decided between us that if we found any health issues back home, we would just deal with it. Children that we bare naturally could have health issues just as much, even if the parents are healthy. So, we just went with our gut and our hearts. You will just know when you get there. It will feel right. Love, Tam
Speaking of health issues, go see Muriel's blog on the questions not to ask an adoptive parent. Look at #4. hahahahahahh. Love, Tam
I traveled blind to Ust and health was a big issue for me. I was shown 2 children initially that had medicals for possible CP and 1 with possible FAS before I found my son. I had 2 medicals on each child by 2 different MD's here (Drs. Dana Johnson and J. Jenista). Since I left, all 3 of these children have been adopted and seem to be normal now that they are back in the States. I sent you an email and pic of my son and his medical was "medium risk" due to head circumference and he is fine--has caught up on all the charts. I say get the medical but go with your gut. Congrats and have a safe trip. Mom to Mason
For our first adoption we had a referral and we had the little info we had evaluated by a doc. He gave us as good of an okay as he could with as little info as he had. We felt though when he was reviewing the info that no matter what he said we were taking her. She was our daughter already.
For this adoption we traveled blind and used our hearts. We did meet a sibling pair and I felt quite strongly that their faces displayed the signs of FAS. We didn't not choose them because of this. (Though we might have. Taking on a 4 year old and a 10 year would be hard enough without adding FAS into it.) We met them after meeting our son who we knew was our son but had been told wasn't available. The next day it was determined he was a available and so that is who we adopted, along with his younger sister.
We did not have our children's medicals evaluated or get any doctor's opinion. Our new daughter has an eye the crosses intermitantly and one ear is smaller than the other. We have been told she has hearing issues in that ear but we won't know until we get home. It is known that the b-mother currently has a problem with alcohol so it's not at all unlikely that she drank during at least the pregnancy with our youngest. It probably explains the difference in her ears and maybe down the road other things.
That all said, these are our children and we knew it the moment we saw them. Again there isn't anything a doctor could have told us that would have told us more than God was telling us in our hearts.
Good luck!
Sarah
I just realized that you are wanting an infant so our experiences might not exactly apply.
On this trip (we are in KZ now still) we did meet an 8 month old girl. She had some sores on her scalp and they said it was from an allergy. She was so sweet and very alert. She loved the book we showed her. We were hoping for an older child, siblings actually so we didn't choose her, but it was clear to us that all she needed was a family, love and attention. We could tell she was weak, didn't have much control of her trunk I guess I would say. She was chubby like a baby should be.
My point I guess is that this little girl wasn't the picture of health but we knew she had all the potential a child could and with the proper care and nutrition she would really flourish. We were thrilled when we learned an American came the very next day and selected her. :)
Sarah
I totally agree with Tamara and everyone else on this issue. That is how we felt also. They are ours no matter what. We have often wondered if our boys have a touch of FAS. They have a flat upper lip and a big forehead and are very small. It really doesn't matter if they do. We will deal with whatever. However, thanks for posting those pics so we might be able to better evaluate them.
BTW, I'm working on the tag. I think I'm the Kim you tagged. If not, maybe you'll get two responses. :-)
Hi...We traveled blind 2 1/2 yrs ago, we didn't contact anyone about Jabari, I educated myself to look for facial signs of FAS. WE felt strongly that this was the child God wanted us to have so there was never a question to contact a doctor. I agree with Tamara's post. You will KNOW.
Love- Ann
Before travelling blind we met with Dr Farber from Children's Hospial Of Philadelphia. She told us what to look for when meeting the child and told and showed up signs of FAS.
She was available to e-mail and talk to while overseas but with the pre-travel info we did not feel the need to talk with her while overseas. Upon return we did meet with her for abot 2 hours for an eval with physical therapists observing our son interact.
Often the facial features of Asian and Kazak kids may look like FAS, like flat nose bridge and smaller noses. Dr Farber warned us to not freak out if he saw that.
She alsosaid to look for 'hockey stick' palms.
So there we were in the Orphanage Director's office checking his ears for RR tracks, under the nose for teh groove and palms for hockey sticks. They must have thought we were crazy when we looked at his face last.
Also, many Asian kids, like our son, look like they have crossed eyes when they do not due to the shape of their eye, it's called something like pseudostrabismus. We had 2 full eye evals when we got home and he was clean. The Dr said when you take a photo, if the reflection of the flash in there eyes is even, then they are ok.
Good Luck, and look at the features of the children they show you before getting too attached....easier said than done.
I second the points Jennifer brought up about Kazakh/Asian children and the similarities they may have with FAS. Our son has a flat nose bridge, a smaller nose, and the pronouced eye flaps later conirmed to be, "pseudostrabismus" that many Asian children have. Personally, I am glad we did not listen to what a professional had to say. I think you have to go with your gut. You will know, and regardless of what your child may or may not be blessed with, it will be okay because he/she will be YOUR child. I also second what you say about the 4.o not defining who they are. Most importantly, I want my child to be happy and I want him/her to be a kind and loving person... We went with our heart.
We adopted two children from the foster care system who have FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders). One has facial features of FAS and the other does not. Both struggle with limited attention spans, poor impulse control, poor decision making abilities, an inability to connect consequences with actions, etc...
We would adopt our kids again in a heartbeat. It isn't easy and we've had to learn to parent different and to be advocates for them, but we are better people for knowing them.
Feel free to visit my blog- thoughtspreserved.blogspot.com
~Kari
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