I am very interested in your comments on this one. The other day, Joy from The View, commented that nobody is a good parent at all stages in their child's life. More accurately, she stated that each of us is at our best in different stages - for some they are superb with babies, others toddlers, and yet others are excellent with precocious teens. I agree with her on this, but also wonder what shapes that in a parent? This will be our first child, so the only experience I can bring to this is that of being a teacher.
I have taught every grade level there is and I LOVE working with middle school more than any other grade level. I also know exactly why I love that age-level and it is is rooted in my own adolescence. My life was deeply shaken as a teenager when my brother passed away and my parents, understandably, become unavailable in my life. I was in tremendous pain and desperately looking for love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging (aren't we all?). So, needless to say, I made a number of wrong choices during that stage of my life and have great empathy for teens. I feel their pain very deeply. I feel I am a very good support to the teens I teach, but I also recognize that my vulnerability to their pain places me in a position of falling into the trap of experiencing their drama with them rather than supporting them through it. It is important for all of us to know our pitfalls and this is mine in the teaching arena.
With that said...I assume (I will only know for certain when the time comes) that I will be superb during the teen years. However, I am keenly aware of the traps I must avoid, such as wanting to be my child's friend during those years. My own past experiences will undoubtedly shape who I am as a mother and affect my parenting throughout our child's life. How about you? If you are a parent already, has your past shaped how you parent at different stages in your child's life? Are you better at some "stages" than others? Do rebellious teens make you want to run away and yearn for the days when they were cute and compliant? Or do you feel you can't relate to the younger ones and hate forcing yourself to play imaginary games? What has shaped your parenting?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Good Parent in Stages?
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7 comments:
I, too, am a "teen" person...most likely because I, too, teach middle school. I love this age group, and because I have so much experience with it, I feel very comfortable with these kids. However, I've noticed that because I teach special education, I am also very sensitive to other things....you may notice this, too... Our son is very "busy"...someday he may be labeled ADHD...who knows, but because he is so "busy," he presents many challenges - testing and crossing boundaries, exploring things he shouldn't be into, having to be told things numerous times....sound familar? Yep. Our classroom. My teaching has made me a better parent - I connect with Mateo in ways other people don't because I live these things each day. Natalia has extreme separation anxiety...she faces some emotional challenges. Again, I feel like I have the experience to handle these things. We prayed the Lord would lead us to the children we were meant to have. I believe He did this. I believe He takes our past and present into the equation, and He most certainly doesn't make mistakes. With all that said, I agree that we all have stages we are better at Bt, even though I haven't had experience with babies, I find myself loving this stage, too.
Wow, this is a good question... for myself I'm not sure which stage I'll be the best at,
My goal is to be a Mom that my boys will be able to tell anything & not feel judged or ashamed. As a child my parents often didn't listen to my heart & I was often referred to as "too sensitive", I don't EVER want to say that to my child, that phrase may not seem very hurtful but it really was.
I love the toddler-preschooler stage, (well, most days), its so much fun to see your child doing a "new" thing & how they are learning things by example, this is also very frighting! :-)
Ann
I am the mother of two. My daughter just turned 12 and my son is about to turn 10. Even after twelve years of being a parent I can't really say what stage I am best at.
I know my favorite stage was the preschool years. This was simply because children can do many things for themselves and yet still need Mommy to do so many other things for them. It is a great combination of both worlds.
My daughter is in middle school and we are very close. As she gets older I find that being her mother is becoming a little more frightening though. There are so many issues that I know I will soon need to deal with. I always believed that I would have no trouble talking to my kids about sex and all the other teenager issues. Now that we are reaching that stage though, it really does scare me. How honost do I need to be? Is it better to tell your children the mistakes of your past or not to tell them?
As far as how we were treated when we were children shaping how we are as parents... I'd say that is a definate!! I was the youngest of five children. As such I was raised differently than my older siblings. I was allowed much more freedom, too much in fact. I know from my experiences, that I will not do that with my children. My parents were not the type to give a lot of hugs and say "I love you" all the time, they expected that you just knew they did. I shower my kids with hugs and kisses and throw "I love you" at them all the time. I think that as good parents we use the things about our parents we liked and do the opposite of the things we didn't.
I find that with teens, I just get eyerolls and blank stares. I am better with preteens and grade school kids, because they haven't succumbed too much to peer pressure yet. I love to share my creativeness with young minds still innocent enough to care.
I'm not officially a mom yet, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. But I don't I agree with Joy whats-her-name. I look at my sister and she kept stating over and over with her kids that "this was her favorite age." As her kids grew (ones in college and the other's a senior in HS now) she changed as a parent. I hope that's what we all do.
I know at times we're all going to falter. But I'd hate to think that I'm going to peak as a parent at some point and the rest is just downhill. :-)
Hi Dawn,
I like this question, but must say I don't know what stage I like best....each has its challenges and with those challenges comes much learning (if we as parents will admit we too need to learn still) and many stages have such joy....my oldest is 19 and my youngest is 16 mos.....and there are things I enjoy about each of them every day...my other three are 17, 15 1/2 and 12 1/2 and there are things I enjoy....my oldest three are boys and I will definitely say for us....the boys were so much easy as teens then our 12 1/2 pre-teen girl is some days...but again, there is so much joy with each and learning things. I did not have a good mother and so learning to be a godly mother has been a challenge...I am hoping with our newest daughter...I will at least not repeat the mistakes I made with the first 4. Love this question...really thought provoking.
As a relatively new parent to a 5 and 3 year old, I'm not sure which stage I will like best. I am enjoying the preschool stage with it's excitement for life and frequent snuggles and hugs. But, I do find that I am a bit at a loss during playtime. I'm just not so good at their imaginary games.
As a teacher, I enjoy working with 5th graders the most because they are still young enough to not show too much "attitude," but they are old enough to have really great discussions with.
I'm interested to see how I evolve as a parent as my kids grow older. Hopefully I won't repeat the mistakes of my own parents (although sometimes I do find myself falling into their patterns), and I will continue to grow both as a person and as a mother.
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