In Other Words...

As I thought about the whole notion of "reproduction," and what it really means to replicate yourself. Is it merely about the passing on of eyes and chins
and hair color? Or is it, rather, the replication
of the heart? Do we leave a bigger mark by
passing on our genes, or our thoughts?

~ Shannon Woodward ~
author of:
Inconceivable: Finding Peace in the Midst of Infertility

Okay...so this was actually Tuesday's "In Other Words" and I just started this meme, but I HAD to chime in on this one! I believe I have much to offer on this subject.

As a woman who is deeply in love with her husband I can say that one of the things I wanted desperately was to create a life together. It truly is a miracle to create life, give life and sustain life. There is nothing more beautiful I can think of and it often takes my breathe away when I actually allow myself to think about it (which is not often these days). I looked at a biological child as a manifestation of our love and commitment to each other. We tried to conceive on our own and we turned to reproductive medicine when that was not working. Then came the crossroads: the procedures we were doing were not working and the next step was in-vitro. We searched our hearts and talked about what our ultimate goal was. Our ultimate goal, we both admitted, was to be a mother and a father. The question then becomes how to define these roles.

I strongly believe that DNA is not what makes a mother or a father. DNA creates life and DNA determines characteristics and features of a new life, but that is how the child's physical being is derived. WHO the child truly is in their heart is determined by how they were shaped during their life. I also believe that God has his own blueprints that are set above both DNA and upbringing. I say this because we have all seen very good mothers and fathers raise children that turn out to be psychotic and I think it is unfair to place blame on bad parenting for every sin committed by one's children as well as wonderful children from awful parents.

Children come into this world with no beliefs...none. They do not have any beliefs about themselves, their parents, their house, their neighborhood, their universe, or their God. All of this comes from their mother and father (or whoever is their caregiver). The most significant people in my own life that have shaped my thoughts about who I am and about love, friendship, faith and respect were NOT my own parents. I am a living example of how biology alone is not what creates lasting impact. My parents and I are estranged from each other and there are complicated reasons that led to that decision for me. I spend a great deal of emotional energy trying to reverse the negative messages I received from them (example of a strong negative impact stemming from their thoughts). Fortunately for me, I have had many loving people in my life, some still with me and others that were just passing through, who nurtured me and challenged me to be a better person.

So, yes - it is about replication of the heart. Replicating the heart is the most precious gift in the world...and it is something DNA could never do. The strands of DNA master your temple, but the unconditional love of a mother or father, be biological or through other means, creates a legacy that can never be replicated.