I am experiencing an unbearable longing to get to our son immediately. I think it is because I am finally allowing myself to realize that the time for us to travel is in sight. Until recently, I just felt like it was never going to happen and I had my defenses up. I was going about life and pushed all thoughts of the adoption out of my mind. Now, we should travel (God willing) some time in January. I look at our son's picture and I ache to be with him. I want to make him laugh and smile and hear him giggle with joy. I want to feed him some good nutritious food insteaad of the slop they feed him in the orphanage. I want to stimulate him every minute of the day so he gets up and takes his first steps. At 18 months old he should be walking on his own, but he isn't.
You know that song that says "I don't care how you get there, just get there if you can"? That is how I feel. I know the flight will be long and I know the in-country travel and accomodations are pretty awful compared to American standards...I know all that, but I want our boy!
I can't focus at work anymore. The days are getting longer. However, we may not be traveling for over a month so I need to pull it together. I also know that the LOI may not come when we planned and we could possibly be delayed even longer. It is an exciting time and a fristrating time. It is also a time filled with fear about the unknown. I want him to be healthy. I want us to all come home healthy. Finances are always of concern too.
Did anyone else feel that they were holding it together, but started to feel unglued toward the end?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Longing for my baby boy...
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9 comments:
I know how you feel about it not being real. I don't think it really hit us until we landed in Kaz, and then for a few days afterwards. It was like another routine paperwork exercise.
I remember sitting at breakast the 1st morning, or walking down the street and thinking "are we really in Kazakhstan?" Things did not look too much different than any other city we had been in--- it kind of reminded me of Canada (sorry Canada).
And when we walked out of the orphange director after meeting our son for the 1st time I thought "Did we just pick a child?"
It felt like a weird summer camp.
But the first night I took custody and had to deal with wicked pooh and a flailing weiner....well it became all too real then.
But we love it all and are glad we went to Kaz.
I know exactly what you mean about becoming unglued at the end. I became so frustrated with the government of Guatemala and the way adoptions are processed there. I thought Elijah would never be coming home and I felt powerless to do anything about it.
I lost hope too, but now he is home and all of the frustration, anxiety, worry, fear, anger, and dispair are all gone and we are just filled with love. I had several people tell me that once your child comes home, all of those emotions go away but you never forget them. I didn't feel like that helped me at the time so don't think I'm negating your feelings, but just know it will all be better soon!!!
Hey Dawn, I am hoping for you that the LOI will arrive soon and you will soon be on your way to your son in KZ. The waiting is so hard.....it will be nice when the end is finally in view for you.
Hang in there girl. I know as soon as he sees you he will be doing sooo much better. Pu yourself in his shoes and how hard it must be to wait 18 months for his mommy to come and save him.
I really hope the light at the end of the tunnel is soon for you and me both. Deep breaths!
Hugs
Melissa
I don't know if you went to this site and watched the tribute video but I think it is sooo important.
www.kyledavidmiller.memory-of.com
I cannot say I came unglued at the end...........I was more excited. But I did not have a picture of the child we were to bring home; it does seem like that would be way harder. Knowing he is over there is breaking your heart, but know you WILL get there and you WILL hold him and you WILL bring him HOME. I anticipate that day with you. Tam
I am praying that ll will go well soon for you. I know the time of waiting might be hard. May God continue to please your journey of adoption.
I am using my blogger site now
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