One Step Forward

Today was my third day and Joe’s second with our new baby boy. We met with Dr. Natalia (Director of the Orphanage) first thing this morning. We are not at liberty to reveal information about him, but I will say that he is under a year old and healthy. Dr. Natalia spoke at length with us about our grief and sadness over losing Stas. She answered the many questions we had about his birthmother’s return. Sadly, his birthmother placed blame on other people and circumstances for being absent from her son’s life for his entire first year of life, but Dr. Natalia and others told her it is nobody else’s fault but her own. She needs to take responsibility…she is a grown woman over thirty years old! God knows she is not healthy as she described her as haggard looking and older than her age. I pray she realizes how close she was to losing her son forever. Had we gone to court she could have cried all day long and it would not have changed anything…she would have lost him for good.

I do believe some of God’s plan and His hand were revealed to us today. The information we received about this new boy and the circumstances by which he came to us would not have been possible even a week ago…so perhaps there was, after all, a purpose to these horrible circumstances. It is so hard that there truly are no words to describe this pain. Joe and I both weep on and off throughout the day and talk endlessly about why this happened ~ hashing over every possible scenario. To add salt to the wound…our new boy is in the same room/group as Stas…so we have to visit in the same room we were visiting with Stas. They told us they took Stas out of the room today, but when we opened the door ~ there he was! He looked right at us! I tried to close the door before my husband had seen him, but it was too late.

My husband’s chest has been bothering him and I worry so much that the stress of all this is going to give him a heart attack! This is not to say that I am not stressed out, but I have experienced great loss of this magnitude before in my life and he has not. This is really the first time he has “lost” someone he loves. I pray every minute of the day for his healing. Going through this together has only made us stronger and I feel blessed for the marriage we have.

Our court date may be on March 16th (Friday), but the safer date is March 19th (Monday). Please pray that all goes smoothly from here so my husband may fly back home as planned on March 20th. I know in my heart that true healing will not take place for him until he is home. I will be staying so please pray for me to have strength and peace.

We are keeping the name Stephen Joseph ~ we always called Stas by his name and not Stephen so we don’t really associate the name with him. Stas will remain in our hearts and minds as our little Stas. Stephen’s personality is both similar and different than Stas. I have a feeling that Stephen will have a bit of a stubborn streak and give him mommy and daddy a challenge at times! He is strong and very persistent and focused when he wants something and we can see how “No” may not be a word he will like very much – lol. Hmmm…I am sure Joe’s mother will say that sounds familiar! Not me of course…I was a perfect child!