First, there are a few people who asked if it was okay to post something on their blog requesting prayers for us and by all means, yes, please do so...we really new prayers.
Second, as black and white as our case appears, there is always a "loophole" that can be used to support the prosecuter and Inna's position. I have found two specific areas of the law that are weak due to vaguely stated terms/generalizations that could be open to inerepretation. There is also one step in the adoption process (in order to a child to be "available" for adoption) that I am not certain the baby house followed and I am waiting to find out the answer to that question.
In all honesty, I have the gut feeling that we are not going to win this. However, I have to see it through to the end for my own peace of mind so I can walk away knowing I did everything possible to bring Stephen home and fight against this injustice.
Thankfully, the representative from the Ministry of Education is a lawyer and has agreed to write up and submit the appeal for me. The judge had suggested I have the appeal prepaed by a lawyer. She asked me to prepare a statement including everything I want to say: feelings, opinions, facts, laws, etc... So I have just finished the first draft and would like opinions please.
Here it is:
At the time of this court hearing, April 17, 2007, I have been in your country for the purpose of adopting for fifty-seven days. I have spent 34 of those days bonding with the minor child, Andrey Knyazev, who was presented to me and my husband as being available for adoption on March 1, 2007. I am confident that this is the first time in the history of adoption by foreigners that on two separate occasions, for two separate children, the birthmother has reappeared out of thin air after abandoning their child for nearly a year. The first time this happened to my husband and me we were devastated, but we felt that we must move forward and find another child…that child is Andrey.
You can’t imagine the shock we felt after completing the bonding period and going to court, having the judge approve our adoption and completing the fifteen day waiting period I was informed that his biological mother has contested this adoption. I cannot describe the grief I feel over this situation. For the record, I believe the laws which allow a couple to bond with a child, submit the application to adopt that child and go to court for the purposes of adopting that child only to have the birthmother return at her leisure is absurd. It is harmful to all parties involved and your nation as a whole.
I feel that these innocent children are dropped off like laundry that can be picked up whenever these women please with no regard to the devastating consequences and lifelong ramifications that the child will suffer. As good and wonderful as the caregivers are and exceptionally well run a baby house is, the fact remains that institutionalization is far from being the most suitable environment for a child to grow and flourish and reach his or her potential. Inna, her siblings, and her birth parents are the ideal example of the vicious cycle of poverty and family dysfunction that leads to numerous negative social issues. You now have another generation of orphaned children being victimized by the selfish and irresponsible behaviors of the biological parents.
This young girl has been absent for nearly a year. I call her a girl and not a woman as she is obviously not a woman who recognizes the consequences of her actions nor does she accept personal responsibility for her actions and decisions. Rather, she is a child who has for nearly a year put herself and her own desires before the needs of her child and now selfishly wants to prevent him from having the love, life, family and opportunities that he deserves. It is clear from all of the documentation from the Director of the baby house and the Ministry of Education that attempts were made to find Inna. However, her last registered address was the orphanage in which she was registered and no longer resides. In the course of a year she has had only 18 days of direct contact with her son before he was taken away by the police after they were called by a neighbor complaining of numerous drunken strangers, loud parties and a constantly crying baby. The police obviously deemed it necessary to remove Andrey from that environment. That was the last time she saw her son. She then has the audacity to lie in her appeal stating that she, with the assistance of her former orphanage director, placed him in the baby house. She even gave an incorrect date of birth for Andrey in her letter to the court! Are these the actions of a fit mother? I say no. I am this child’s mother. His eyes light up when I come into the room and he cries in my absence. I have been with him when he was sick in the orphanage and my husband and I know all of his habits. We love him – he is our son. He knows us as his Mama and Papa.
She has known where her son is for all of this time and yet she has chosen to not visit him in the baby house. There is no excuse for this. She does not presently have a home or a job and is pregnant again by a man who is in jail! She does not have the emotional stability or financial means necessary to raise Andrey and provide him with the medical care he presently needs. He will be one year old on April 25 and he cannot sit up on his own. His physical and cognitive development is greatly delayed. Inna proposed that he remain in the baby house until she can provide for him. This is unacceptable as this is based on an unknown and uncertain possibility that she will eventually be capable of caring for him. Considering she is not able to support herself or the child she will give birth to in the near future I see no possibility that she can care for Andrey in a timely fashion. His developmental delays will only multiply the longer he remains in the baby house.
The prosecutor claims that this adoption is illegal and yet this is not true. The rules regulating the centralized registration of orphans were approved by the decree # 1346 of August 09, 1999 of the Government of the Republic of Kazakhstan according to paragraph 5 of the article 209 of the Law on "Marriage and Family" states:
Minor children are eligible for adoption if their parent(s) either
died,
or are unknown or were found missing or dead by the court;
or were found incapable by the court;
or were deprived of their parental rights by the court;
or gave an official permission for the adoption of their child;
or for no good reasons avoid their parental responsibilities;
or do not live with their child for over 6 months;
or avoid the upbringing and support their child.
Andrey is eligible for adoption by the establisment of two of the above points: his parent(s) did not live with him for over six months and have avoided the upbringing and support of their child. Furthremore, according to Aricle 82, point seven, the court has the right to make a decision in interests of the child about his (its) adoption without the consent of the persons specified in Points 1, 4-6 of the said Article. Last, to determine that the child is an orphan as defined by U.S. Immigration Law it is stated that “If no parental relinquishment letter exists, an original written explanation from the maternity hospital or local police station describing how and when the child was abandoned and a certification from the police or the Address Bureau that the mother could not be located is required. If the hospital statement or other document provides an address for the mother, there must also be a statement from the adoption agency representative indicating that s/he has visited the address and the mother is not residing there.”
All of the above grounds apply in this case and it is my sincere hope that the court do what is best for the child, as the law establishes is the paramount objective and charge of the court under Decision No. 17 of December 22, 2002 of the plenum of the Supreme Court of the Republic of Kazakhstan, and stand by decision #10/815 of March 19, 2007 in the urban court, to grant the adoption of Andrey Knyazev. Any other ruling sends the message that the orphanaed children in Kazakhstan are of no value and that their lives are at the mercy and whim of selfish, irresponsible birthmothers and a system which holds nobody accountable for the future and welfare of of its’ orphaned children.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Always a "Loophole"
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16 comments:
Okay, Jerry and I read your letter and here are my thoughts. I do not think you should be negative on their laws or procedures. Judges are law makers and they set the tone for adoption by their rulings. Offended them or the laws of this country will not go over well. Respect is the key. I think you can be as negative as you want about the birthmother but not the law makers. I would say something like the following:
We adopted from Kazakhstan after much research and we were drawn to this country because of the wonderful care that kazakhstan provides for their orphans. We could see how much the government of kazakhstan cares,values and protects their children. I know that all the laws regarding adoption in this country were created after careful thought and consideration. This situation has never happened before and now is the perfect time for the law makers and judges of this country to send a message loud and clear to all the citizens that the children of kazakhstan have value and deserve to be loved. By granting this adoption you are stating that it is not okay, to abandon your child and that there are laws to protect the children that will strictly be adhered to. Surely this great nation does not want to set an example for all its citizens by giving this child to a woman who has no way or desire to love and care for him and who does not value his precious life. Additionally, what kind of example would it be to make an exception to the laws in regards to when a child can be adopted, when these laws were made after careful thought and consideration to protect the children and give them hope for a promising future.
We all have our opinion of the Kazakh adoption system. It doesnt make sense and can certainly interfere with the emotional well being of the child. However, remembering back to our court experience, the judge truely wanted to intimidate us and hear what a wonderful country he was a part of. I agree w/ Muriel in that you should avoid any negative comments about their laws or country. I think they would respect the feelings that you have as a mother fighting for her son. You should feel free to express those. During our court hearing, which wasnt the best, I remember begging for my son. I believe that my thoughts and feelings (not the facts of nice house, good education, financial stability) got us our son. I realize that I did not go through anything as you have. I hope this only provides insight and helps you out somehow. Sincerely,
Heather
We all have our opinion of the Kazakh adoption system. It doesnt make sense and can certainly interfere with the emotional well being of the child. However, remembering back to our court experience, the judge truely wanted to intimidate us and hear what a wonderful country he was a part of. I agree w/ Muriel in that you should avoid any negative comments about their laws or country. I think they would respect the feelings that you have as a mother fighting for her son. You should feel free to express those. During our court hearing, which wasnt the best, I remember begging for my son. I believe that my thoughts and feelings (not the facts of nice house, good education, financial stability) got us our son. I realize that I did not go through anything as you have. I hope this only provides insight and helps you out somehow. Sincerely,
Heather
I'm not a lawyer and I don't know the Kaz laws and don't feel qualified to give advice, but I had some gut reactions, that you may want to think of. They may be more accurate to present in person at the case rather than in writing. Or will the letter be your only plea? Sorry this is so long.
She's protesting the adoption but has she visited the child at all since she “discovered” your intended adoption, or is this all being done through a POA? I would imagine that this would show she's intending to neglect - or leave the child in the orphanage indefinitely. If she has visited Andrey, is it with frequency or is it a one-time thing? Each day that she did not visit this child, she made a conscious decision to neglect the child. This is a proven track record about the future of her care for Andrey?
While you know this child, would she even recognize the child? (Can you keep visiting Andre while this is being disputed? I’d be there every opportunity to prove your intent).
I would think twice before challenging the entire system, no matter how right you are, I'd be leery to criticize the structure that is making the ultimate decision for you. You’re looking to win a war in your letter, without considering the immediate battle (you taking this child home).
I’d also ask if its appropriate to criticize that the first child was made unavailable (so as to not sound bitter, which you have the right to do BUT is that in your best interest), but I also might mention that because you remained for a second opportunity to adopt a child, it shows your consistent commitment to become a parent. You have a track record. Where is Inna’s commitment?
Your decision to become a parent is with intent, careful decision-making and planning every step of the way. Something that you decided and planned for well before she got pregnant with Andrey. You knew you wanted to be a parent for X# years, and have worked to fulfill this goal for years. You have recommitted yourself every step of the way, and with every challenge, to become a parent. How could anyone doubt that you would not be the better choice to be the parentents?
Beyond the fact that you want to be a parent you love this child. YOU love this child. You have plans for this child. You will cherish it, love it, help it grow with the kind of guidance and consistency that only a mature parent (that lives with it) can do. You have plans to care for the child. You can provide for this child, and you will never, ever neglect it. You have a warm loving home, family, community that are waiting to welcome this child into their lives as well. A true support system.
It is not about you (even it if is), it is about what is best for this child. YOU and JOE are what are best for this child. It will be given opportunity well beyond the chances it has growing up in an orphanage or even with a young mother who has never shown that she has accountability or recognized that her actions have consequences.
You invested in becoming a parent – financially, emotionally, you traveled half way around the world, and have chosen this child. You want this child now. You have the best in mind for this child, which is to provide it a loving, supporting home. Does Inna have plans, a timeline? It is hard to imagine that what is best for this child is to remain in an orphanage indefinitely, not knowing the kind of love, attention, and support you and your husband can give him. You chose the responsibility to care for this child. Where has she shown responsibility and accountability?
Personally, I think she wants money. I’d almost question that someone within the baby home has contacted the birth parents for both of these children. This sounds cold and suspicious, but the odds seem more likely than the fact that both came back at the last minute, when you are already emotionally invested in these children. It breaks my heart. To think that children can be used as pawns for personal gain. But Id never mention it to anyone there.
I agree with Muriel. Keep the letter positive. Take the high road even when talking about the mother. Think of the new draft as things you would say to a parent during conferences and comments on a report card, not what you are thinking in your head. You don't want them to grant her custody just to spite you. This child is yours, you need to fight for him without being condescending and you need to state the facts without getting too overly emotional. Show your passion when talking about how well Andrey will do in your care. Be objective, not subjective when talking about the mother and the laws.
I am in awe of all the homework you did, you go girl! I do agree with Muriel about not knocking their laws, they can be touchy about that stuff. I just cannot believe the B-moms gall, honestly why doesn't she just get a grip. I also wondered if she wanted money & had the same thought about someone in the babyhouse being shady. Call me jaded. :-) It rubs me the wrong way how the Kazakh lawmakers expect us as AP's to jump through every hoop & then allow something like this to happen. Once the child is availible for International adoption, the bio parents should not have a chance to ever get them back. IMO, it should be way before then but who I am. :-)
Hugs-
Ann
Dawn,
Our adoption was independent, and we used a wonderful lawyer in Almaty. Our son was in a handicapped orphanage where no child had ever been adopted from. They could not believe that we actually wanted a child from there. That is why we had to go to court four times. We didn't think we could keep going. We were at the court's mercy.
I have to agree what others have posted. I would not say anything negative about their government. You are like we were - at their mercy. I can understand your anger and frustration (or maybe I cannot), but that is why we are here - vent to us. But keep things as positive as possible telling them how much you love Stephen. Could you include some pictures of the three of you with your letter?
Keep fighting the good fight and running the good race.
Brenda
I must commend you on your staying and fighting for your son. I know it has been a hard road for you and I am amazed at your strength. Amazed at how you pulled that letter together, it's very impressive. I do agree with Muriel about being negative about their laws. That is not going to win them over. I would take her advice. I also agree with suz and matt about leaving out the issue of the first child you were shown. That may not work in your favor if they perceive it as bitter. Stand strong and know we are all with you.
Meena
You have done your research not only on the law but also the birth parent and her current situation. I'm very impressed and was brought to tears reading this letter.
I think it's perfect and I will be praying for you and the whole case.
Your letter is great. I agree with everyone else's comments. One additional thought, I would not talk about how your child is delayed and will continue to be delayed if he stays in the orphanage. Those Kaz egos might not appreciate it (even though we all know it is true!) Take the high road and keep it positive.
Gigi
You're doing a great job. I don't really have any pointers for you, seeing as there are already so many excellent points brought up here by other bloggers.
I will agree with Muriel & others by saying that the Kaz republic/government/judge already like their own laws & policies, so any grumbling or negativity about that will fall on deaf ears.
You are so right that you will want to walk away from this fighting with every ounce of energy and every last shred of hope....exhaust every idea and avenue to fight for this child's life. I did that for EIGHT months and have no regrets. I didn't stay in Russia for eight months, but I fought for that long to get our daughter to the US, and that's when I found out she could not come home, as her mom got a conditional custody to raise our little girl in an orphanage. The bio mom has to work & live at the orphanage with 2 of 3 of her children, to be monitored as she is an alcoholic! Sheesh. Yet, she has custody & works raising orphans.
Back to you. I'm proud of you for fighting the good fight. Whether you walk away with your son or not, you will walk away knowing thru all of your soul that you mustered every shred of energy, channeling it to fight for this child's life. Well done sweet dear lady. Well done.
You are prayed for daily. God be with you. -Esther
Dear Dawn: you have an amazing amount of tenacity and guts...but, I must agree w/fellow posters, to not be "negitive" re: the system in kz, as flawed as it might be...your position needs to be that 1) kz is a wonderful country w/wonderful children, 2) the children are well cared for and loved in the orphanages, 3) all accomadations to birth parents are made thru reasonable, well thot out laws, 4) you are sorry for this young woman, but think that Stephen would be better off with a mom and a dad in a home, not living on the street.
ANd, here is something else to think about...take a deep breath..calm down...IF Inna relinques this baby she is carrying, I think that you, as the parents of Stephen, might be the first to be offered to adopt this child, in that, it would be a "sibling" (at least 1/2)...and KZ wants sibling to stick together. You might mention to the judge that you would be willing to consider adopting this coming baby, if this baby also ends up abandoned in the orphanage.
Praying, Love, Karla
Like so many other posters here I have walked the walk and talked the talk in Kaz - distasteful as it was for me to lie to the judge and say we met many kids but picked our little man becuase we just knew he was for us (when in fact he was pre-chosen for us)we did it to have the adoption approved.......having said that what you need to do is fight the best fight you can to get your son home. We all know a) Kaz has the most beautiful kids ever b)the adoption process is corrupt
c)adoptive parents have to jump through so many hoops and in my honest opinion are exploited but bottom line we got what we wanted - our son!! You have every right to slam the country, their policies, their laws but that will NOT help you get your son home. Like other posters mentioned the Kaz folk do not like being critized! I would point out all the positives, your perseverance, how your little man flourished since you started visiting him, (have as many care takers and BH director also make positive comments if you can) also I really like the idea of continuing to visit your little man if you can in the next two weeks. It shows your commitment to him and your enduring love (unlike his birth mom's, your dedication to him. I also find it a little strange that not once but twice birthmoms have shown up......
Dawn,
I was in tears when I read your post the other day. I have family and friends praying for you. I read your letter and I think the majority of it sounds wonderful. I would agree that although we do not agree with what is happening that you should be a little more careful with the way that you are wording some things. Please, if there is anything that we can help you with let us know.
Deb, J, & Sean
grohjd@yahoo.com
You have truly done your homework and I can tell all of your heart and soul are in the letter. As I was reading it, I thought the same thing as all of the others. I've lived in foreign countries before and the key to getting them on your side is to brag on them, build them up about the good points and then ask for what you want. They are prideful. Maybe pretend like you were a judge in an American court and were being presented with your case.
You are doing so well. I see such strength in you. Keep up the fight. Don't give up!
Dawn,
Let me start by saying God knows what is in your heart and he will NOT abandon you. Prayers are surrounding you and Joe and all those involved with regards to Stephen YOUR son.
Those of us who have been following your journey, have all been touched and we can only begin to imagine the depths of your emotional suffering. Each day and every day we think of you and pray God's plan is for Stephen to be placed in your arms forever.
After reading your letter, I also agree that negative statements about the Kazakhstan govermnent and the adoption laws would be counterproductive to your cause. Although your opinions are totally justified and understandable one must "keep their eye on the ball". I suggest 3 things.
First I would contact the American Embassy and see if they can intercede for you in any way (the American Govt should be aware of this issue, sometimes a call from a politician can help) and or get you a contact for a Kazakhastan attorney to represent your interests in court. Someone who understands the law and has no association with the baby house or MOE.
Secondly I would not put anything in writing that has not been approved by this attorney. He/She will know what is respectful and what is not.
Thirdly I would ask Muriel to set up a fund raiser for you here in the USA, as I and I am sure many others would donate to, to help defray the costs. Together we all could raise some funds in a collabrative effort.If each person donated a few dollars some of your additional expenses could be covered. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Ann Young
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