Okay ladies - I know that men are from mars and women are from venus, but my DH (and he truly is a wonderful man) just doesn't seem to get my neurosis with timeframes, information, blogs, obsessively overanalyzing our paperwork, stalking, etc... He seems rather "whatever happens will happen" about it all and it is driving me insane! Am I alone here? I feel like he should be a bit more anxious and obsessive (like me!!!). I am the person who has taken on the primary role as paperwork chaser. He has certainly complied with all my requests for papers, but I just feel I am way more involved in this than he is. His side: He tells me this entire process is horrible and there is so much uncertainty that he has a hard time feeling excited about what he can't see. Are there other hubbys out there struggling during this phase? Like pregnancy, I want him to be excited that we are having a baby! I feel like he is trying to protect himself emotionally. Any suggestions...or can I at least get an AMEN? Thanks!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
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6 comments:
My husband is EXACTLY the same way. You are not alone. They are analytical and we are emotional. I have been the paper chaser here on my end to. And thats ok; I would rather be in charge of that because I have a Type A personality and I want it done RIGHT. My husband will not be happy until we board that plane Sunday! I have accepted that its the way he is. He has to see it to believe it; even though we believe in God and having faith (in things not seen), its still very tough for him. Just be patient with him and keep the venting to the girls! xoxo Tammy
AAAAMMMMEEENNN!!
I had to take on the primary role as paperwork chaser as well for the adoption of our son. My husband was more terrified than excited for most of the process.
The day our son was born, my husband was a blob of mush, especially when he got to feed Snuggle Bug his first bottle. :)
Hang in there!
Amen- I have been following your journey, and I too have the same thing. I too am the one has taken on the bulk of the loadof paperwork, just as if the "load" was in my tummy. I think it is a way that they do protect themselves, and us in a way too.
Bless your sweet heart - you are the momma. You not only have the primary role now - but from now on. He will not instinctively go change a diaper, or warm up something for dinner - he will not run the bath water because you are tied up with something and it's time for a bath. He will likely comply - if you ask...SPECIFICALLY..for help, but darlin' you've only just begun. It is quite the adventure, and one I wouldn't change for anything in the world! - Amy, mom to Indira & Murat home 8/9/2001
First- Mine is the same...probably WORSE. I am appreciative he is so cooperative about getting things done but I handle EVERYTHING regarding the adotpion but he does handle everything else in our life. I didn't think it would be a good idea to inconvience him to get fingerprints after he already did the ones for the USCIS so I hired a private mobile fingerprinting service to accomodate "your Heiness" However, I don't mind as you seem to so here is my advice...treat this as your personal projest. In the end when our children are home they will appreciate more than they will ever be able to say! For us...accomplishing the completion of adoption will be so satisfying you will forget who did what!
Hope all is well!
AMEN! For sure! This is our 2nd adoption and it's a little better but only because he is excited about the trip cause he knows what to expect this time. When it comes to the kid or kids and being "new" parents again, no enthusiasm, no vision. He's helpful if there are things I ask him to do paperwork wise but I pretty much did it all. You are not alone my friend! :)
Sarah
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