I am always envious of women who have a large extended family. It seems as though they have built in - ready made friends and playmates for their children. I have a very different scenario in my life and I always wonder what other people in my situation feel about it and do about it, if anything. First, I am estranged from my parents (which would take forever to explain...maybe another day). I do have a little sister who is fifteen years old (17 years younger than me), but we do not see each other much do to the estranged relations with my parents. Then there is my husband's family. His mother and father live about 15 minutes away. His father is disabled and has a heart condition. His parent's relationship is nonexisitent except for the fact that they live in the same house. His mom works long hours most of the week to support the household.
My husband has two siblings: a sister, age 27, single, works and is going to school to become a nurse and a brother, age 23, single, works as a F/T/ salesman. My husband is closer to his sister than his brother, but we don't see her often due to her busy schedule. The rest of his extended family lives in Italy and he has not seen them since he was a teenager.
So here is what concerns me: We do not have a large circle of support around us. I have a few very close friends and my best friend and her mother are like family to me. They live in Long Island and we talk a lot during the week and see each other as much as possible. I know I we are not the only couple in the world without a large family or extended family and I wonder how others deal with that or if it even matters to them. Do you think children are at a disadvantage when they don't have an extended family?
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Let's Talk About Extended Family...
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5 comments:
I grew up with one cousin. I lived in Michigan. He lived in Mississippi. My mom is an only child and my dad has a brother and a sister and they both live in Mississippi. So it was almost like I had none. I don't think I was hurt by it. I think I was some times jealous of kids that had cousins to play with and I'm glad my kids have cousins, but it also adds a lot of drama to life too. The family we do have now that we have our own family (our parents and siblings)all live 7 hours away. Some times it'd be nice if they were around to babysit etc. But, it's okay. It's our choice to live far away. It's harder, but completely managable. You will find that when you have kids you will have more friends. You meet people through your kids activities. I have made several good friends the last few years since we've had children solely because we have children. We're part of a playgroup etc. It's nice. These mamas are there for me and I'm there for them. The aspects of your life that change because you have kids are never ending. :) Your social life will be changing too and hopefully for the better! :)
Sarah
Hello. I found your Blog a few weeks ago and have been following ever since. I've also enjoyed following other families adoption journies via your links. The adoption process can make you nuts for sure but in the end your dreams will come true and the process will seem like a distant memory. My husband and I completed the adoption of our two beautiful children (Molly dob 10/21/04 and Aidan (10/29/04) last summer. We spent 9 1/2 glorious weeks in Kostanai Kaz (you have the link to our Blog in your roll-Adventures in Adoption and Beyond). Regarding extended family...it is a benefit for sure if you have the support but you will find that once you have a child you'll have many opportunites to meet and build close relationships with other moms/parents. It may take more of an effort on your part to find support as you don't have the built-in support of an extended family but you will not be alone. I wish you well. We will keep you in our thougts and prayer
Hello- I just found your blog. I am struggling with the same issues- most of my family lives in CO, and we live in AZ. But, I think our "family" will grow through church, 'Mommy and Me' type events, and keeping in contact with other families who are adopting. I am not so concerned about my child being 'alone', because one he/she comes I think the extended family will grow in leaps and bounds- even if they are bound by blood. Best of luck to you, and I will also keep you in my prayers!
I'm from a large family (my mom was the youngest of 13, my dad the middle of 8, and I have 4 siblings). I must admit, I LOVE being part of a large family, I always have, despite the drama that sometimes concerned.
Having said that, I have moved out of state and don't live near most of my family, although I go back for visits as often as possible and they come here too.
Oronzo and I have made a close knit group of friend over the past 7 years that we've lived here. Many of these friends are now starting families as well, so Snuggle Bug has playmates.
We also make a concentrated effort to involve ourselves in various activites to help with the socialization of Snuggle Bug (library storytimes, playdates, swim lessons, etc.).
I understand your concerns, but I think it will be okay. You'll find that children draw other parents to you and friendships form.
I am in the same boat. I have one brother who is 6 years older. He has 2 kids (12 and 8) but they live in Arizona. I only have one set of first cousins. Only one has kids and they live in Illinois. The rest of my family are either too old or too young. I was always the only one my age at get togethers. Pretty lonely. Don't worry, when we bring home the kids, they will be each others playmates. Think of me as the other sister you never had.
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