Longing for my baby boy...

I am experiencing an unbearable longing to get to our son immediately. I think it is because I am finally allowing myself to realize that the time for us to travel is in sight. Until recently, I just felt like it was never going to happen and I had my defenses up. I was going about life and pushed all thoughts of the adoption out of my mind. Now, we should travel (God willing) some time in January. I look at our son's picture and I ache to be with him. I want to make him laugh and smile and hear him giggle with joy. I want to feed him some good nutritious food insteaad of the slop they feed him in the orphanage. I want to stimulate him every minute of the day so he gets up and takes his first steps. At 18 months old he should be walking on his own, but he isn't.

You know that song that says "I don't care how you get there, just get there if you can"? That is how I feel. I know the flight will be long and I know the in-country travel and accomodations are pretty awful compared to American standards...I know all that, but I want our boy!

I can't focus at work anymore. The days are getting longer. However, we may not be traveling for over a month so I need to pull it together. I also know that the LOI may not come when we planned and we could possibly be delayed even longer. It is an exciting time and a fristrating time. It is also a time filled with fear about the unknown. I want him to be healthy. I want us to all come home healthy. Finances are always of concern too.

Did anyone else feel that they were holding it together, but started to feel unglued toward the end?

A Tribute to My Husband...

I have often said that I am married to my best friend, but I have to say that my dh is my rock. He is the sweetest man I know. He is thoughtful and not a day goes by that he doesn't say or do something kind. I did a majority of the paperwork for our adoption, but as soon as I became weary and my heart was full of doubt, my dh was there to catch me and stand in my place to bring us to the next stage of our journey. He has been there to hear every fear and frustration I have had and mediate when I have lashed out at our agency - smoothing things out for the best. I love him beyond words and I am so happy that he will be the father of our son. Our son is lucky indeed to have a daddy who will always be there for him and his mommy. I couldn't think of a better role model for our son. However, I am the luckiest one of all! I get to spend my life with a man I love more than life and we get to complete this journey together. Joe...I hope you know how much I appreciate you! I love you and I can't wait to bring our son home :-)

Thanksgiving Blessings!

We have some good news! Our dossier was sent to Kazakhstan on November 16, 2006. We will most likely travel in early January. We also found out the region our son is in and that he is still there and doing well! I can't believe it! My dh and I are keeping the region to ourselves for a little while until some more time elapses and we are closer to traveling.

We have something very special to give thanks for tomorrow! We are celebrating the day with my closest friends in Long Island. I can't wait to see everyone - it has been about two months since I saw them. I am looking forward to a wonderful day! I hope you all have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving! Lisa, I am so happy that you are home with Dinara for the holidays! For those of you with your baby in Kazakhstan or finally home after the long and tiresome adoption process - I wish you all the best on your first blessed Thanksgiving with your little pumpkins!

Losing Faith

Our dossier went to the Embassy on November 1st. Another client using our agency sent her dossier to the Embassy on November 6th. Her dossier was sent to Kazakhstan on November 16th. Ours??? Nothing! Ours is still sitting somewhere for the past 20 days! Most people do not spend nearly a month waiting for their dossier to go to Kazakhstan. I feel so angry and powerless.

This adoption process has really tested my faith and, in many ways, I have lost faith. There are days I ask God if He has forgotten us. Why were we chosen to undergo so many difficulties and challenges? Why were we not able to conceive a child? Why are we now going through hell with this adoption with an agency that isn't proactive. I don't think I can take much more of this. This is only a foretaste of the hell we will probably experience in Kazakhstan. If we can't get assistance when we are here in the U.S. - we will surely be on our own in Kaz.

Reposting Our Adoption Timeline

I have not posted our timeline in a while. I know that timelines helped me out a lot when we were just starting. So, here it is:

April 19, 2006: Signed with our agency
April 20, 2006: Mailed in our i-600a
April 21, 2006: Ordered certified copies of my birth certificate
April 25, 2006: Mailed in our Home Study application, documents, and fees
April 26, 2006: Requested certified copies of our marriage certificate (Bucks County, PA)
May 1, 2006: Scheduled our Home Study appointments
May 1, 2006: Recieved certified copies of our marriage license
May 1, 2006: Started my baby shower registry
May 2, 2006: Received certified copies of my divorce decree
May 3, 2006: Joe got his employment verification letter
May 3, 2006: Mailed out Joe's passport application (expedited service)
May 3, 2006: Ordered certified copies of Joe's birth certificate
May 4, 2006 Mailed reference requests to friends and family
May 4, 2006: Requested notarized letter from bank
May 4, 2006: Made doctor's appointment for physical and physician's letter
May 4, 2006: Got my fingerprints for FBI Clearance
May 4, 2006: Requested my Employment Verification Letter
May 5, 2006: Recieved my Employment Verification Letter
May 8, 2006: Dawn's doctor's appointment for physical and physician's letter
May 10, 2006: Our first Home Study visit
May 12, 2006: Dawn's Sagem Morpho fingerprinting appointment
May 13, 2006: Joe's Sagem Morpho fingerprinting appointment
May 25, 2006: Our second Home Study visit
July 12, 2006: Received completed Home Study (after receiving earlier and requesting corrections)
July 21, 2006: Received fingerprint appointments from USCIS
August 2, 2006: Fingerprinted
August 5, 2006: My Baby Shower!
September 7, 2006: Received our I171h!!!
October 16, 2006: Dossier sent for translation
October 30, 2006: Dossier back from translation and being prepared for Embassy
November 1, 2006: Dossier sent to Embassy
November 16, 2006: Dossier left Embassy to Kaz