Happy New Year!

I want to wish everyone a happy new year! I am praying that our trip indeed happens in the next few weeks and that we are led to the baby boy God intended to be a part of our family. Interestingly, for those of you who dabble in numerology, this is a 9 year. Nine, as suggested by the birth process, is a year when you reap what you have sown. January is the month of new beginnings...so I am hoping that will all add up to a great start to the new year for us!

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

My friend Muriel and I often discuss this issue as we are traveling blind and have the same worries that many AP's do when adopting a child with little to no medical information. A blog friend was recently informed by her doctor that FAS is suspected. Sometimes the common facial features and characteristics are significant enough to detect...other times the child looks perfectly "normal" and delays are expected when a child has been in an orphanage so that is not always a reliable factor.

First I think it is important that people understand that even if your child is diagnosed or suspected of having FAS it is NOT a locked door to your child's future and possibilities. As a special education teacher working with students who have learning disabilities every day I am often awed by my students' talents and their spirits. I tell them every single day that graduating with a 4.0 and going on to college are not the things that define them...it is more important that they are kind and loving people!

So, I am curious about what other AP's have done when traveling blind with little medical information provided? Did you utilize one of the adoption medical specialists here in the states? Did you bring data with you to compare? Or did you just go with your heart? Were there medical issues discovered after you were home and saw your own pediatrician?

I've Been Tagged

Okay, so Muriel tagged me to do this A-Z list:

A- Available or Taken? Taken - Happily married 4 years, 5 months :-)
B- Best Friend? My husband, Joe. My BF Denise and her mom Marilyn - all friends for 25 years!
C- Cake or Pie? Mud Pie!
D- Drink of Choice? COFFEE
E- Essential item you use everyday? E-mail
F- Favorite Color? Purple
G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Bears
H- Hometown? Woodbridge, New Jersey
I- Indulgence? Dark Chocolate
J- January or February? If we go to Kaz in the next few weeks...January for sure!
K- Kids and Names? Boy=we are still debating :-) Girl = Jocelyn Rose
L- Life is incomplete without? Joe and children
M- Marriage Date? August 18, 2002
N- Number of Siblings: Legit or not? One brother, Robbie (deceased) and one sister, Brittany
O- Oranges or apples? Oranges
P- Phobias or fears? Heights and drowning
Q- Favorite quote? Jeremiah 29:11
R- Reason to Smile? My students
S- Season? Spring
T- Tag 3 or 4 people? Lisa, Lauren and Kim
U- Unknown fact about me? I have authored a book
V- Vegetable you don't like? Beets
W- Worst Habit? More than one here...Biting my cuticles, cursing and eating!!!
X- X-rays? Don't really remember
Y- Your favorite food? Pizza
Z- Zodiac: Leo

Mickey and Minnie Make It Look Easy

I feel like I am packing too much, but I am only bringing what I think we will really need. So far we have a medium/large suitcase, a small suitcase that may be considered a carry-on but I am not sure and a medium/large duffel bag. Is that too much? We are bringing a set of sheets, our pillows and a think blanket. I used the space bags so I could make them all compact. That took up the medium/large suitcase. We are each taking two casual outfits that are mix and match and one dress outfit for court. We are also taking clothes to donate to the orphanage. Last, we are taking a few select toys for the baby :-)

We have plenty of children's motrin and baby essentials. I have to pick up some OTC meds for us in case we get sick...which seems to happen to a lot of people who go to Kaz. Oh, yes...and towels. We're only bringing two or three. I am bringing some books and games and a few movies too. Sound about right to all of you who traveled already?

Where is Baby De Lorenzo?

This is the front entrance of the orphanage where our son is. I am sure it will be surreal when we are actually walking up the path to the front door of what was once only a picture! I just can't wait to get there. I think the one thing I am most excited and nervous about is when they bring him to us...I keep imagining what he will do first. I hope I can contain myself! A part of me still doesn't believe it is actually going to happen...I am going to be a mommy! My dh was sitting across the room this morning surfing the net and we had Jack FM playing their awesome morning acoustics and I was overwhelmed with joy. I love my hubby more than words can express and the fact that he is going to be our son's father fills my soul wih pure joy and gratitude. He is going to be the best daddy! I can't wait to bask in the image of our son in his arms.

So, I have a long list of boy names that I like, but Joe wants to wait to see him and what his name is. He thinks it is good if we can keep his name since it is one of the most important things he will have from Kazakhstan. We'll have to see...all I know is most of my list makes Joe roll his eyes :-) He isn't into trendy names.

I think it is too funny that I have felt soooo prepared to just get on the plane and go - now I am in a panic about packing. I am so worried I will forget something essential. We are going to focus on what we need to bring for the baby. We are only bringing two outfits each for everyday wear and one nice outfit for court. We are bringing sheets and our pillows. I want to use the spacebags, but I have to find out if they have vacuums in the apartments, otherwise we won't be able to suck the air our when repacking. I have the larger ones that you need the vacuum for - not the roll-up ones.

Good thing I am off all week! :-)

And the region is.................

Ust-Kamengorsk! We just received a call that we are officially being sent to Ust! We are basically traveling blind, but they do have a boy in mind for us. We are sooooo excited! We are finally going to get our baby!!! We are still nervous of course...especially me - I have to pack and not forget anything. I wish I could transport myself to the day we are getting on the plane. Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Countdown to Travel

Well, we are definately traveling in January. The date we were told (tentatively) is January 10th. We are anxious to go and to finally be united with the child destined to be ours...whoever he may be. We are excited and nervous all at the same time. The tentative region is Astana. We have heard great things about that region and are glad if that is where we will be.

This has been one of the most difficult times of my life. I haven't been sleeping (which is unusual for me). Last night, my husband and I talked at great length with the director of our agency via conference call. It was a productive conversation and we expressed our concerns and fears. We are fully aware and expect there will be bumps in the road along the way - we are going to another country, do not speak the language, are nervous and excited to become first time parents, etc... We just don't want to experience the nightmare that some people have shared with us. We were reassured that this would not be the case.

I think of Alex every single day and wonder what his life will like. It is beyond sad that he will spend his life in an orphanage where his future is likely to be grim. I still pray the future will bring us the opportunity to adopt him.

Wishing Christmas Was Over...

I was surprised this morning when I came downstairs and saw that my husband put up the tree. He is the sweetest man I know...he is trying to keep the faith for both of us right now. I had no plans of putting up the tree. Honestly, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up when we are getting on the plane for Kazakhstan (whenever that may be). I wish I could fast forward this entire holiday season.

Mourning the loss of Alexander is only half the battle. The other half is working with an agency that we don't trust and wondering what will happen next. I live in fear every day that when and if our agency ever gets us to Kazakhstan that we should rest assured it will be the most difficult (in the sense of problems) journey in adoption history. You would think they would want to get rid of me already :-)

I am not even sure I can make it through this week at work...four and a half days left and we are on winter break, but it will be a LONG four and a half days - we have the pep rally and the kids are usually jumping out of their skin this week and not in the learning mode. While I always do a good job of not taking out my frustrations of my students I am certainly worried that this week will be too much to handle. It is a double-edged sword though - the alternative is to stay home in bed and wish I was dead. Not exactly a great choice either.

I have not a clue how I will get through Christmas. It won't be pretty I can tell you that. I haven't got the energy to put on a smile and just get through it gracefully. I only feel guilty that my poor husband has to put up with my pathetic state right now.

Responding to Ann Young...

Ann Young left a message on my friend Muriel's blog that really pisses me off. I have a feeling Ann Young could be gang raped and still forgive the people for simply being "human" and fallible. She misses the point COMPLETELY - must be over her head. What constitutes a successful adoption? It appears to me that her motto would be "the end justifies the means". It is people like Ann Young that allow the criminals and wayward people of our society to commit the crimes they do with no justice to the victims. She is one of the most naive women I have ever had the displeasure of "knowing" - it is NOT the wait Ann, it is NOT that there are bumps in the road Ann, not all people who have a bone to pick with Orson are just being too hard on the "poor, poor" Orson. WE WERE LIED TO! Get it through your thick skull that YOUR experience does NOT represent EVERYONE's experience. For those of us who have been lied to by Orson - we have the RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to speak out against the unethical and ILLEGAL practices utilized to lure us into adopting through AIP! Are you out of your mind??? How dare you come onto Muriel's blog with your bullshit and negate her emotions and feelings which are legitimate in light of how she was treated!!! You are a hypocrite. If you want to keep your head in the sand that is your business but don't you DARE come and judge those of us who have been victimized. You are truly a heartless bitch.

Thank You Muriel

Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers and all your support Muriel. This has been such a long and difficult journey, but I am glad I found a friend in you through it. I can't wait until we are both home with our children...your little girl and our little boy - safe at home where God intended them to be surrounded by love. I pray this all happens soon for both of us.

Love,
Dawn

Broken-Hearted and Empty

There are no words to describe what we are feeling right now. Our agency just informed us that our baby boy, although still at the orphange, cannot be adopted due to hs mother not relinquishing him for adoption. I feel nothing but hopelessness. This entire adoption has been the worst experience of our lives.

All I want for Christmas is...

our LOI! I am praying hard every night that we get that LOI some time in December and travel in January. I wish there was more consistency so I could estimate, but I have seen people get it anywhere from one month to three months! I have no idea if the region you are traveling to makes a difference or the agency or the sex of the child - or if it is simply just whenever they get to it.

It would have been soooo nice to have him home for the holidays, but that is obviously not going to happen - so I will just have to dream how nice it will be next year. For now I am trying to keep my mind occupied! I am glad I have work to keep me busy. I am starting to pack as well...and with that comes shopping too! Fun :-) I purchased everything I can think of "just in case" - exzema cream, children's Tylenol, Baby Oragel, Baby Vicks, and so on...

I am curious what others did regarding feeding when they adopted toddlers. I saw that Nestle Good Start has a toddler formula with Vitamin D and Iron added. However, he should be starting to eat solids by now, right? I am guessing that we will have to see as we go. Any suggestions from you smart bloggy mommies?