The Adoptive Mother

Okay, this is so beautiful! I just stole this off a blog-friend's blog (thank you Melissa):


Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family. Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history. She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.

The Ho-Hums

First, I just want to say thank you to all the people who posted or e-mailed me words of encouragement! The wait is a killer and only those going through it or have been there can truly understand the frustration. Well, the new school year is approaching fast and it feels like it is way too soon. I taught the summer session which just ended last week so that contributes to my feeling the "back to school blues" along with the middle school students I teach :-)

On a positive note - my best friend is having a shower for me on August 5th and I am really excited to see my friends! I am originally from Long Island, and although the commute is just under two hours it seems I get there less and less each year. I have great friends and they are like family to me.

Another positive note is that a few people from NJ have e-mailed me and said that the turn around time from fingerprinting to I171h was not 12 weeks, but mostly around 5 weeks. The faster the better! Of course I will continie to do my I171h chant and voodoo dance each night and pray to the one Big Man who can make miracles happen...hopefully all of that will move it along.

I also want to wish some of my blog friends who are soon traveling or are already on their journey all the best as they begin this most precious new chapter in their lives!

Today's Bible Verse

Considering my mood this week I found it ironic that today's Bible verse was about FAITH. Hmmm...knock-knock. Who's there? Your Higher Power. Well, I suppose that is what is causing all this anxiety - a lack of faith; Not believing in what I cannot see or control. This is especially hard for me since I always go after what I want with tremendous passion and determination (and need I say with a total lack of tolerance for waiting?). My "other mother" - a woman who is truly my mother at hear, asked me the other day if I was losing my mind because I was crying and pretty much having a melt down and an "I want him right now" tantrum. I think that the pressure of school starting again is getting to me. While I know that work is a healthy distraction I can't help but feel insecure about my job since I am not tenured and when I travel it will be on short notice (although I have already given them the heads up).

The other moms in our informal "group" are traveling soon and I think that makes me feel sorry for myself too. Boo-hoo, why can't it be me? Boy, I better find something good to chat about soon or you're all going to abandon me - lol. I feel as hormonal as any pregnant woman would! Unfortunately, you get sympathy when your prego, not when you are adopting.

New Designs for Kazakhstan AP's

Okay, so Iam biased since I created these designs...but aren't they cute!?!

www.cafepress.com/a2zgifts

A Cup of Complaints

Well, after leaving a not-so-upbeat message on Lauren and Marco's blog I figured that I needed to vent. Ummm...yes, can I get a grande mocha bitch latte with whip cream? I am feeling annoyed and it's best to just admit it and move beyond it. The other evening my mother-in-law was over and saw the nursery for the first time. She loved it! We all sat and had some cake and coffee and were chatting about the baby when she asked us if we were going to baptize him. Yes, we are, but we are not a member of a church yet. Without getting off topic - my DH is Catholic and I am protestant. We have discussed how we'll raise our son and decided the denomination is not as important to us as finding a good, supportive church fellowship. So, we chatted on this topic a little longer and I told her that I have already looked online at some outfits for that blessed day.

Okay, so she goes into the "slow down, you're getting too far ahead of yourself" speech and goes on to say that she doesn't even think it was a good idea for my best friend to plan the baby shower so soon (it is in August). I was really biting my tongue, but boiling a the same time. I explained to her that Joe and I are QUITE aware of the possibility of losing our referral (which seems to be the norm with the agency we are using), but that I cannot go through the waiting period numbing and masking my excitment and not nesting or enjoying all the things any expectant mother should...including a shower. She didn't seem to get this point of view. So I explained that it is comparable to being seven months pregnant, but spending every day of the pregnancy telling yourself "Yes, but the baby might be stillborn/deformed, yada, yada, yada." She asked "What will you feel like if something happens to this referral? You'll be devastated!"

Okay, so I am sure you get the picture. My DH stepped in and steered the conversation away from this topic (thankfully). Why do I, or any AP, have to justify my feelings, excitment, nesting, etc...? Why are my actions not as valid as a woman expecting through pregnancy!?! Can I also tell you that if one more person (especially those who have alredy been informed) asked me when our baby is coming home I am going to scream! How many times do I have to say that I have no control over this process and it sucks!!?? If I have any updates I will undoubtedly inform everyone. Why is it that I try my best to tactfully answer questions (even the stupid ones) but others do not seem concerned with tact???

I know that most of you on this journey have experienced these feelings. I just feel like I could use more positive and insightful support rather than uninformed and ignorant remarks from those closest to me.

More Good News!!!

I just got some more good news in the mail...I passed the NJ School Leadership Test and can now apply for my Principal certification! While I do not plan on going into administration in the next tear or two, it is a great sigh of relief to be "done" with it. As anyone in education knows - it really never ends. In NJ you are required to get a required number of professional development hours every three years. It can be a bit annoying at times.

On another note: I have added more designs to www.cafepress.com/A2Zgifts. There are new designs for teachers and for Kazakhstani kids! I also updated the look of the shop. I think it looks pretty fun and whimsical. Be sure to check it out!

YAHOOOOOOO!!!!

We got our fingerprinting appointments from Immigration today!!!! We are scheduled for August 3rd at 10 a.m. I am pretty excited because this is a huge step forward. The sooner we get the approval (I171h) the sooner we can get moving toward getting our LOI.

Check it out!!!

www.cafepress.com/a2zgifts

In an effort to raise money for our trip to Kazakhstan I have opened an online shop with CafePress.com. There are great gifts there for teachers, parents, babies, children, and specific merchandise for adoption (especially Kazakhstan)! I hope that you'll check it out and check back often, because I am adding new designs regularly. Also, I would love to provide a link/banner for anyone who is interested in helping out. I would be willing o post your blog links and banners as well. Just let me know how I can help you on your journey! Thanks for your support!

New Editions to Our Backyard Family

Who would have thought we would see all this wildlife here in Central, NJ!?! :-) We have a family of bunnies living under our shed and they are too cute! I have seen the momma and two babies, but I think that is it. Here they are (helps Joe keep the grass short):

Evaluation of American Adoptions (Home Study)

I believe it is important for adoptive parents to share as much information about their journey as possible in order to assist those on the journey and those who will come after. Joe and I are so grateful for those parents who shared their evaluations, of their agency, home study provider, country, translator, and many more. So, we would like to offer our evaluation of our home study provider. We used American Adoptions (1-800-ADOPTION; www.americanadoption.com). We completed our application and sent our payment at the end of April. We were contacted on May1st to set up our appointments. The first appointment was on May 10th. At this time we were interviewed seperately.

The second appointment was supposed to be on May 17th, but our social worker needed to change the appointment and we did once as well, so it occured on May 25th. At this time we had our "couple" interview and home inspection. Everything went smoothly. The woman conducting our home study was very nice and made us feel comfortable throughout the process.

We received our homestudy documents on July3rd. After carefully reading through the documents we were very upset to discover that there were a few MAJOR mistakes. Our social security numbers were wrong and several sections referred to us as "Susan" and "Bill". I contacted our home study coordinator immeditely and she promptly returned my call. She apologized and informed me that the corrections would be made asap and sent out immediately. I also follwed up with a detailed e-mail to the social worker who conducted the home study outlining the changes that needed to be made.

We received all of the corrected documents today (July 12th) and everything is in order. If we calculate the time it took to complete from the first interview date (May 10th) it took nine weeks to get our completed home study. This time frame seems to be in line with others I have heard. However, the agency does advertise that their "turn around time for the home study is four to six weeks...assuming that the background checks are complete." If turn around time is considered from the last visit to the day you receive the home study, then it would have been exactly six weeks if no errors existed. Time sensitivity is extremely important to us, as well as the rest of you on this tedious paperwork journey. So, if that time frame is better than others have quoted to you that may be something you take into account if you are looking for a home study provider or you are considering using American Adoptions. Overall, their services were very good. Everyone was professional and courteous to us at all times. When there was a problem they fixed it is a timely fashion.

Dossier Nearly Done!

We are about to cross the finish line of the paper chase! We have some final documents to notarize and apostille and off it will go for translation! One step closer...each step brings more hope and excitment. Joe looks at this waiting time as the equivalent of a pregnancy. I agree, but the hard part is if we were pregnant we would be in control (somewhat) in that we would know exactly where our baby was and be in control of caring for him/her in utero. Having your baby in an orphanage brings an entirely different level of anxiety and worry over his level of care. I find tremendous inspiration in the stories of other families that have shared their journey on Yahoo groups and their own personal blogs. It is amazing how their little ones flourish once they are home!

Comments About the Room

I was so happy when the furniture came today! It was a lot of work, but certainly a labor of love. The two most time consuming parts of the room were the floor and the painting (including the stenciling). The chalkboard door with the cork trim is still a work in progress.

I am a bit annoyed with the quality of the pictures...taken on a brand new digital camera. I use Picasa and adjusted the quality, color, light, etc...but for some reason the saved photos in "My Pictures" do not reflect the changes. The room looks a little peach, which it is not. The color is called Buttered Toffee - it's basically a very soft khaki color. Overall, we are both thrilled with the room and are anxiously awaiting the day we can put him to sleep in his new bed! Enjoy the pics!

Alexander's Room

Happy 4th of July!

First, I can't believe how fast the time goes...and yet it never feels fast enough when you are on the adoption journey. Every day is another day missed with your child. Most days I am pretty optimistic and daily life keeps your mind off the fact that you don't have your child home yet, but sometimes, well...imagine being pregnant and not knowing a due date - not even a month! Our son's room is near complete. It really is cute. Joe surprised me the other day with two new additions for his room: a lamp with giraffes and elephants and the matching bookends. They really are adorable. The "jungle" theme worked out well...it is not too overwhelming, but each thing in his room coordinates somehow. Again, I'll post pictures as soon as I stop being lazy and download them from my desktop. Promises, promises...lol.

The rest of the house has been made over too! Well, I think the house is always a work in progress, but knowing we will have a toddler to look after soon sort of puts a match under you to tie up loose ends. The outside looks beautiful. We had pavers put down on the driveway and a patio created in pavers. We were daydreaming today about the next fourth of July spent with our son on the patio watching the fireworks...sigh. The inside of the house is really looking great. Our last major project will be the bathroom. Also, Joe and I are going to attempt to make the basement as livable as possible just for some extra space for play, etc..

Once our home study was complete it was a waiting game for the report and favorable recommendation. We just got the final report in the mail on Monday and I was pretty annoyed when reading it and discovered that our social security numbers were wrong and several pages called me Susan and some referred to Joe as Bill. Needless to say, I called the supervisor and she assured me that the corrections would be made asap. It amazes me that these things could get past not just the person writing the report, but her supervisor as well! A few mistakes would be understandable, but certainly not names and social security numbers! Furthermore, this is such a time sensitve process with a child's life on the other end of all the "crap" that needs to be in order to get him home. You want things like this to be at a minimum. I can't complain too much though - our home study agency has been quicker than I have heard others report in time to turn it around.

So, that's all for now! Back to work tomorrow, fun, fun, fun - lol.