Our Three Sons

" See all my teeth Mommy!?!"

Mommy's Little Man! I love you Stephen!

Stas didn't like to miss anything - lol!

Joe holding the birthday boy ~ Stas!

Alex Now at 24 months

Alex (Sasha) around 7 months old...See the difference???

I have nearly reached the end of my rope...I have no more fight in me. We fought hard to adopt all three of these boys and it just doesn't seem that any of them were meant to be. I will surf the last wave for Stephen, but this week Joe and I have decided that we need to go in a different direction. Ultimately, we may never see Stephen again. He may indeed be raised in the orphanage just like his mother and her sisters and, sadly, his newborn baby brother. I loved each of these boys...they are my sons. Alexander is getting so big and has changed so much from the bright eyed baby we saw so many months ago. A fellow adopter recently home from Taraz passed along a new photo of him and he has changed...and it is not for the better. His light is gone.

Our little Stas...God, he stole our hearts quickly. I still think of him every day. I pray that he will be adopted and not remain in the orphanage and NOT be reunited with his birthmother. She doesn't deserve him.

And my sweet, sweet Stephen. You are my precious boy. I love you and living with you so far away is unbearable. I know I will have to come to terms with not being your mommy at some point. God help the selfish and evil people who stole your future.

I feel defeated. AIP will pay the price for their involvement, or lack of in our adoption and the many hearts they have broken in the name of PROFITS! My focus must soon shift to moving forward, regrouping and bringing justice to our case in the name of Alex, Stas and Stephen.

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More Torture

This seriously feels like a nightmare that is never, ever going to end. When we received the letter from the courts on Friday from Kazakhstan we figured it was a just telling us that Inna didn't show up to court. You can't imagine the SHOCK after we had two bloggers translate it for us and found out it said that WE did not show up and therefore the judge did not hear the case. We had a serious fit and called Orson immediately. He was furious and we all e-mailed Nigmat and Almagul to ask what the hell was going on!?! Almagul is our power of attorney so there should be no reason for us to be told nobody showed up in court on the 16th or the 30th of May.

After a sleepless night and plenty of tears Orson finally spoke to Nigmat. He explained that Inna's power of attorney told them that he was going to continue appealing this case on and on and on. The judge made the call to essentially "put our case on hold" in this manner (saying we didn't show up) so he could avoid a ruling. I know it is confusing, but basically if he ruled in our favor it could be dragged out for years with this idiot appealing. If he ruled in her favor that would mean Stephen spends his life in the orphanage. So he decided this was the only way we were ever going to get our son. Now that our case has been put on the shelf...they are working on depriving her rights. Once that is done they can revisit our adoption petition without any interference from Inna or this jackass power of attorney. This ass wants an apartment out of this (which costs about $70k). He has nothing to lose by appealing this case forevermore.

I am starting to think we will NEVER get Stephen. When do we stop? When do we give up and take our lives back? Nothing anyone says is reassuring. I am sick and tired of being reminded that everyone is working for "free" on our behalf there.

Many people have been asking how we found Inna's three brothers (Stephen's uncles). I posted a message on the Yahoo Ust group and amazingly, their mom still reads it! The boys are very excited about their nephew. Unfortunately, their mom had to explain that their sister, Inna, is not doing very well and is repeating this awful family pattern. I just pray that we can bring our son home - someday soon!

Some Exciting News...

I am so excited right now because I just found the family that adopted Inna's brothers! I know I mentioned several times that Inna is one of seven children who grew up in the orphanage since their parents' rights were deprived. I knew that at least two of the boys were adopted in the US. It is actually three and they were adopted together. I do not want to mention any of their names or specific information to protect their privacy, but I did want to share this awesome "find" with all of you! This is just a true blessing for all of our sons!

I am glad to at least have gotten some good news today. Finding out that I will most likely NOT travel to get Stephen in July really depressed me yesterday. I am sooooooo at the end of my rope. I was also told today that Nina, the translator here in the US, is on vacation until Friday, so she can't translate the letter until next week. So, thank you to my bloggy friends who offered to translate the letter. Joe and I are faxing it their way tonight.

Joe and I have talked endlessly about what we want to do about Stephen's baby brother. We have decided we are not going to adopt him. There are a million reasons, but it was not an easy decision. First, Orson told us that it will cost us money...and we do not have any. Second, we realize that emotionally we do not feel we have what it takes to devote the necessary time and affection to two babies. We want our son to have us 100%. Lastly, Inna is likely to have many more children and we simply can't adopt them all. I feel that God will lead Stephen's brother to a wonderful family destined for him and we pray we can remain connected.

CRUMBS

Well, at least we got an iota of information out of Orson today. Not much and not great news, but it's better than nothing. First, we found out that Inna gave birth to a boy :) Second, we found out that Nigmat does not think I will be able to come and get Stephen by July. I feel like screaming my head off and choking someone. It is beyond frustating working with Orson. He is the most passive person on the planet. Every time we need information or run out of patience we have to ambush him together via conference call. Then he spends five minutes explaining how everyone is working without any further pay for us and blah, blah, blah. He goes on to tell me how hurt he is by my e-mails and me taking out my frustration on him. HELLO! We just want to know what is going on with our son!!! Our entire life has been tied up in this case and on hold...of course we are annoyed. I have periods when I am dealing with it simply because I have no choice. Then there are times it all comes to the surface and I am sooo angry and feel helpless and defeated.

LIFE SUCKS

My friend referred to our adoption process as chinese water torture and that couldn't be more accurate. We will NEVER EVER do this again. Adopting baby #2 is out of the question right now. Considering that this child is probably about a month old and we can't even find out if it is a boy or girl says it all. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I don't care what anyone says...the adoption process sucks and the majority of these countries have laws actually make things a million times harder to adopt. Our son is sitting and rotting away in an orphanage. I remember someone saying "No, he is being cared for and loved by the caregivers." Well, no I am sorry - I will say it again - he is sitting and rotting away in an orphanage. An orphanage is no place for a child. The caregivers are not even somewhat close to being ideal "parents" for a child.

We flew to Kazakhstan in February and here we are in June with no closure. We were told that her rights are being deprived and he is ours. WELL - WHEN? How much longer do we need to live in this hell? Right now, yes, life sucks. I am angry. This feels like it is never going to end.

A Typical Conversation...

Here is a glimpse into my life right now:

Person: "Have you heard anything?"

ME: "No."

Person: "Do you know when you can go back?"

ME: "No."

Person: "When you do finally go...will you have to do that whole 15 day waiting period again?"

ME: "I don't know."

Person: "Will you have to stay there for a while again?"

ME: "I don't know."

Person: "Will you have to go to court again?"

ME: "I don't know."

Person: "Do you know if Inna had a boy or a girl?"

ME: "I don't know."

Person: "Can you just adopt this new baby or will you have to go through all of this again."

ME: "I don't know."

Person: "Well, what does your agency say?"

ME: "Nothing...they don't know."

Person: "Can't your contact Almagul or Nigmat? How about Sveta?"

ME: "I tried. Nobody will get back to me."

Person: "Oh." Then silence.

Do you see the pattern? We actually got a letter in the mail today from the courts in Kazakhstan. Guess what? IT'S WRITTEN IN RUSSIAN! Guess what? We don't speak or read Russian! Guess what? I called Orson and he is not going to be in today. So guess who I had the privilege of dealing with? You guessed right - Kevin! Guess what Kevin said? "Fax it over and I will see if Nina can translate it." Guess who I haven't heard from since? Yup, you guessed right again...Kevin! Get the picture of my life right now? Sounds fun right?

A Beautiful Adoption Story

I just finished reading an incredible book for grades 4-6. I plan to use this as a literature circle book in my classroom. Here is a review from the School Library Journal:

From School Library JournalGrade 4-6: For as long as he can remember, Dillon wondered, "What kind of parents would name their child Dillon Dillon?- Parents who had forgotten that a name was the first thing you wore against your raw naked skin?- Dillon's parents were smart.- They would not do a thing like that. Not on purpose." He turns 10 on the family's annual summer vacation at the lake and feels bold enough to ask about his name. He discovers that his birth parents, his dad's sister and brother-in-law, died in a plane accident when he was 18 months old. He had been named Dillon McDermott and when he was adopted, his parents gave him their last name: Dillon. As the youngster comes to terms with this new reality, he becomes fascinated by a loon and her mate that nest in one of his sneakers on a nearby island. Soon after their chick hatches, he realizes that both parent birds have been shot and he wonders how the orphan will survive, until a few days later when he sees that another loon has stepped in to raise the chick. Symbolism that could overwhelm the plot is sensitively tempered by Dillon's emotional journey, the development of strong secondary characters, and engaging subplots. Reminiscent of Kevin Henkes's gentle novels, this introspective, somewhat magical story is perfect for all children who wonder about their place in the universe.
Ellen Fader, Multnomah County Library, Portland, OR

In our continued effort to raise money for the trip back to Kazakhstan to bring home our son...I am offering a brand new copy of this book to anyone who donates $5.00 or more. Please remember that any amount you can offer will help a great deal. We spent our entire savings on this adoption and the first trip exhausted those funds when we encountered difficulties. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP & SUPPORT!!!

I Want to be on a Plane TODAY :)

"Mommy - Daddy...I heard you are coming back for me soon! I can't wait to come home!"

God, I wish I could get on that plane right now and go get our son! We can't wait to see him and hold him and kiss him again. It feels like forever since I have seen him. By now - we have learned that nothing moves quickly in Kazakhstan...so we know we are more than likely going to have to sit tight for at least a few weeks.

We still have yet to find out the sex of Inna's newborn. She is being deprived of her rights simultaneously for both children. We have inquired about the process to adopt this child as well, but we have not made any decisions yet. We weren't planning on adopting two children at once...and obviously finances and our small home play into our decision.