Making the Blog Public Again

Well, first - as you probably realized if you were not prompted to log in - we made the blog public again. The crazy lady from Kaz that was stalking us adopted a child and so she is probably no longer interested in making our lives miserable. Also, things have settled down and I doubt any "officials" in Kaz are reading it any longer, but if something occurs and I have to go private again...it is just the click of a button. For now I want to share our joy with the world.

There are still so many things we don't know and we have so many questions, but the communication skills of our agency are awful. Getting information is like trying to break into Fort Knox. Naturally, we wonder if she showed up. If she did...what occured? I will have to wait for the details until I get to Kazakhstan and can drill Almagul for the whole story. All that matters is that her rights are being deprived and Stephen is ours forevermore. Not quite "officially" yet, but we are in the home stretch. As I said in my earlier post...it will be about 3 weeks for the court to finalize the deprevation of her rights. We were told that everything is then forwarded to the Ministry of Education (Axana) and that they are going to do all they can to expedite our case. I want to fly in - get our son - and fly out.

I'll keep you all posted.

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

Praise the Lord! Inna is being deprived of her rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She gave birth to the other baby, but we do not know girl/boy or if the baby is healthy. It is going to be about three weeks to finalize the deprivation of her rights for both children (the newborn baby is already in the orphanage...she didn't waste much time!). Joe had no intentions of adopting two babies...but maybe my womanly persuasive powers will change his mind - lol!

I wish I could go and get Stephen tomorrow!!! However, we can be patient a little while longer so long as he will be our son forever and ever! Thank you God!!! Thank you for giving us our son forevermore!!!

Communication?!? What's THAT?

Supposedly, court took place in Kazakhstan yesterday (now that it is after midnight in Kaz). WE HAVE NO INFORMATION! Our agency does not know what transpired and can't get a hold of Almagul or Nigmat! I am sooooooooooooooo sick and tired of the passivity of our agency! Everyone in Kazakhstan is passive too - they walk around with the mentality that "life happens to you" and therefore their mantra is "Whatever...if it is meant to be..." BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Sickening!

Another Item on E-Bay for Auction!

Depressed

I am feeling pretty low. I miss our boy more than I could express. I also found out today that I need to move from my classroom to another and I am changing grade levels (I am currently teaching all 7th grade, but now I may be all 6th). I feel pretty upset about the change of my room and grade level. If I never went out on family leave this wouldn't be happening, but the woman who took over as MY sub is now moving into MY room and probably will teach what I was teaching! How can that not annoy me? Furthermore, I am VERY flexible...I will coteach with almost anyone and I don't really mind being on two grade levels, but my ONE request was to NOT be in the 6th grade! I just don't understand. I am really sick and tired of one crappy thing after the other happening. I could go on and on, but I hate whining or having a pity party so I am just going to stop here.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

I feel like a broken record. I am sick of waiting. I want this nightmare to end! We get a lot of questions about the next court date (May 30th) and what that will result in. Hmmm...anybody's guess is as good as ours. Our agency can only speculate since they have never been through this before either!

I have a lot to deal with emotionally right now. I am undecided what, if anything, I want to do about my best friend and her mother from here forward. My little sister, age 15, has also decided now was a good time to tell me I am an awful sister and not there for her (which is a little difficult since I am estranged from my parents). Psychologically, the accumulation of these events is taking a toll on me.

Thank God...my hubby is such a great man! He is my rock and I love him so, so much! He really is the only person in my life who has never let me down (and I am not talking about the "forget to put the seat down" kind of let down). He is loyal, loving, patient, kind and the best friend anyone could ask for. I love you Joe!

Puffkins Auction! All Retired!!!

Used Book Sale

Hi all! Not much new here...just playing the interminable waiting game ;) I am selling many used (and some new) books on Amazon.com and wanted to let you know where you can check it out and see if there is anything there just for you! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE books! My hubby always complains that many more books come into the house than ever leave and we will need a library in our next home :) What can I say? There are worse addictions - lol. So, please check and see if there is anything for you by clicking in this link:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/shops/index.html/104-8557637-7130347?ie=UTF8&sellerID=A2XG8I7VV2AUQG

P.S. ~ I just want to give a very special shout out and say THANK YOU to the many kind and generous people who donated to help us save up for our trip to bring our son home. It means soooo much to us! As I said in an earlier post...every penny counts and all the help and support you have offered is appreciated more than you know.

Not Much to Report

The judge heard from many people in court. Axana, from the Ministry of Education, testified, the director of the baby house, all of the caregivers, and the psychologist. Inna did not come to court because she is not feeling well because of her pregnancy.

The next court date is the 30th. There are still many more people to testify. The judge told Inna's POA that she must be there the 30th. Where things go from there - we have no idea. We have far more questions than answers.

On Pins and Needles...

I am doing my best to live normally. Knowing that court was held is Kazakhstan and waiting for information is getting in the way of my "normal" act. I couldn't bring myself to go to work today...and I had a professional day (workshop) to attend. I'll spend the rest of the day beating myself up over that on top of being on pins and needles waiting for Orson to call. To top it off I have my "monthly friend" which now and then knocks me out with unbearable cramps.

We realize that court is going to be more than one day and any information we get will not be about a decision, but we just want to know who testified and the general "feeling" of court. Many times Almagul gets information about our chances from her sources.

In the meantime ~ I feel like I am living in a shroud of uncertainty. The fact that my best friend and her mother (who is like a mother to me) were not there through this most difficult time leaves me scratching my head and wondering what I missed. I go over it in my mind again and again. I can't get past the point that I would never let either of them go through something so difficult and not call them. E-mails are insufficient under those circumstances and that is not a debatable issue...you either "get it" or you don't. One thing I DO know is that I am a very good friend and deserved more than that.

Yesterday, a someone said "you will get through this no matter the outcome." Of course, on a rational level, I know I will get through this no matter the outcome. But this situation is beyond "picking yourself up and getting back on the horse". Financially, this is it. If this does not come to fruition we do not have the means to go another round. I suppose we could fly back again and start all over, but we do not have the means emotionally to do that. We would have to return to the option of IVF which is an option that we all know takes a toll on any couple.

It's funny ~ you know that Oprah question she poses to some of guests: What do you know for certain? I am at a point where my answer would be NOTHING.

Frustrated

Since court is Wednesday - Joe e-mailed Nigmat and asked if we could call him late Wednesday night (Thursday am in Kaz) to get an update. Unfortunately, Nigmat will be out of the country and gave us the old adage that "...if God wants you to win you will" and told us to "pray and be patient"! Ummm - hellllllooooo!!!! We have been patient! I don't think we are asking for a lot when we say we want to know what occurs in court each day! God, I just want this to end!!! I want this to end, I want this to end, I want this to end, I want this to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am seriously depressed and on the road toward needing some electric shock treatment at this point...perhaps I can just stick a fork in the socket and get the same result?

Honestly, I can't do this anymore. I need this to end - even if the outcome is not what we want. I need to move forward. Being in limbo for this long is making me sick. How can any person on earth look at pictures of their son and yet hold back emotions since he may not end up being with you? How can we work so hard to save money (selling things on e-bay and amazon and asking for donations, etc...) in order to afford the flight back to Kazakhstan while living in fear that we won't have to go back to Kazakhstan? How do I mourn and yet hold onto faith at the same time? Every single decision in our lives hinges on whether or not we are going to be Stephen's parents! I can't even sign up for a flexible spending account at work for childcare since we don't know if we will have a child!

E-Bay Items for Sale

Difficult Weekend...

NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think I would be approaching this mother's day weekend in the same boat I was in last year! Actually, last year, on the day before Mother's Day Orson e-mailed us updated pictures of Alexander and we were sooooo happy. Little did I know that not only would we lose him, but yet another and be in this mess with Stephen's birthmother. It is all a little too overwhelming.

I AM ANGRY...I feel angry that something that comes so damn easy to a majority of the world ~ having a child ~ is a giant hurdle for us! Then, when we turn to adoption, we face brick wall after brick wall. Once again, we stand by and watch dozens of other adoptive parents reach the finish line with their dreams realized and here we are ~ another year ~ with nothing to show but a dozen more broken dreams. I feel defeated. I feel cursed. I am fighting bitterness, but it is knocking LOUDLY at my door.

Court Date...

We were told this morning that court will "begin" on May 16th. I say "begin" because it may last a few days because there are so many people that must testify. Joe and I feel relieved that the date is upon us. However, there is also a guarded feeling that comes with this news. There are so many uncertainties! Inna may not show up - then I assume they would reschedule? Also, even after the hearing, Inna (and her POA) can still appeal the decision one more time. If she (they) want they can appeal all the way to Supreme Court. We were assured that this is unlikely considering she has little to no resources and he is not an attorney. They would have to petition the court in Astana for that appeal.

I just pray this ends very, very soon. I want to be able to go and bring our son home when school is out.

Any Help GREATLY Appreciated

Friends...you all know that Joe and I have depleted our savings to adopt our son. So many of you have suggested that we set up a donation account and we have. There are two ways you can help: simply click on the link above that says "Make a Donation" and donate any amount (every penny counts) or you may be interested in purchasing a book that I wrote. The link to my book on Amazon is http://www.amazon.com/Peanut-Butter-Jelly-Possibilities-Inspirations/dp/0974519006/ref=pd_ys_qtk_rvi_title/104-8557637-7130347?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=00MET2XPHFER3DYCW3CJ&pf_rd_t=1501&pf_rd_p=186412001&pf_rd_i=home

We are praying to return to Kazakhstan and bring our son home by June. We also pray we can afford to get there - lol!

Thank you all for your support, prayers and encouragement!!! It means so much to us!

Praying for a Court Date Around the Corner

It is Monday morning in Kazakhstan so Almagul will be heading off to court in a few hours for a "preliminary" hearing. No decisions will be made, but the official court date will be set. I am really not clear about what occurs at this preliminary hearing, but we are assuming it is a "briefing" of sorts. I do know that all the people involved and those who wrote letters about Inna's character must appear in court, so perhaps that will be discussed as well. We hope to have some news in the morning before we leave for work. Our hope is that the court date is not too far off and is within a week or two.

I go back to work in the morning. I am pretty nervous...not sure why - I guess I just don't want to deal with anything right now and disciplining middle school students approaching summer vacation is always challenging...so the events in my personal life will only magnify that challenge.

Hopefully, I have a court date to post tomorrow. We miss Stephen so, so much.

Blogger Bugs Me!

I hate when my blogroll and sidebar either disappear completely or move to the bottom of the page. I have tried a million things to fix this and none of them work! Eventually, it seems to fix itself, but it is annoying. If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know.

So, I have been so jealous of all the pretty blogs out there that I hired Bluebird Blogs to make me a jazzy new blogskin. I hope it won't take too long...since I am already having to be patient with everything else in my life - lol. Speaking of patience...I have been told my entire life (both family and friends - and even hubby on a few occasions) that I do not have patience. If anyone says that even again I will bop them over the head! :) It is funny though - the person I am usually most impatient with is myself! If you told my students I was impatient they would tell you that you are a liar. But for most other things in life I have called my impatience "determination" and being "goal-oriented". Those sound so much better, right? :)

So, I was telling my friend Muriel that since I have been home I have been doing one of these things: sleeping/lounging, watching Soap Opera's, Oprah and Dr. Phil, and reading. Any time I have dealt with a difficult period in my life books have been a source of comfort, healing and motivation. But there was something on the Oprah show the other day that was very inspiring. Some of you may remember this guest. She is a mother of four children (now six, but I will explain) ranging from I believe age five to seventeen. Her husband went crazy and murdered all four of the children and then killed himself! She has been on the show about four times now. The first two times she was in total despair and did not want to live...she even set a "date" to take her life. Oprah had on other women who have lost their children to similar tragic circumstances to support her and tell her that life will get better, but I am sure she did not believe or really hear anything they were saying to her. The emptiness and hopelessness in her eyes was palpable.

Well, she returned to the Oprah show this week for an update about memorable guests. She has since remarried and just gave birth to beautiful twin girls! The difference in her countenance and demeanor is amazing. You can see she has hope again. It was truly an inspriring story and example of fortitude and God's grace. She is the best example of "...a hope for the future" that I have ever seen.

Some news...

We were told that Monday there will be a pre-court hearing. We should know a date for the actual court hearing by Monday. At least this is a small step forward. We really just want to see progress toward a decision. We hate having Stephen be the one suffering due to this period of limbo. I know that he is being cared for, but NOTHING can take the place of a mother and father's love, care and attention. As I have said previously, Stephen is very delayed...he cannot sit up on his own and he is one year old! He needs immediate attention and love. I pray this nightmare ends soon..very, very soon.

I must return to work on Monday. I will be a substitute so that if I need to return to Kaz in mid-June I can leave without worrying about grades and report cards. I am not sure how I am going to deal with being back at work. One part of me knows that it may help to be at work and busy, but another part of me feels like I just don't want to face the world.

Missing Our Baby

Last night I was missing Stephen sooooo much. I miss him every day of course, but some days are harder than others. I just ache to hold him and kiss him again. I pray that we get word of a court date soon. I also hope that things are not prolonged by Inna not showing up or something else.

I try not to think about it because I would just lose my mind, but I hate the fact that he is still in the baby house. It just isn't fair that his birthmother does not want to take him and wants him to remain there without a mommy and daddy. The only person she is hurting is Stephen.

Lord, please, please - let this end soon.

Addressing the SCAM Issue...

So many people have stated, suggested, insinuated or simply thought in their own minds that what happened to us is part of some kind of scam. I understand why people would think this considering that our first photo "referral" was not able to be adopted due to his mother's refusal to sign papers, our second baby's mother came back and then this third child's mother appealed it in court! I would think the same thing if someone told me these circumstances. In many ways we wish this was a scam..then we could address the issue and resolve it rather than remain in this seemingly interminable limbo.

Since I am tired of addressing the "scam" possibility over and over ... I figured I would outline the reasons why we believe strongly that this is not a scam on any level here on my blog once in detail. I actually copied this from an e-mail I sent to a follow AIP client who has yet to travel:

So many people have suggested to said "maybe this is a scam." While I understand the reason people would ask that under these circumstances I don't know how to get it through to people that it is not. I wish I could blame Orson, but I can't. I thought long and hard that maybe Orson is doing this to spite me for the months of fighting back and forth and outspoken comments on-line. But my husband and I know in our hearts that is not the case. Here are the reasons we believe strongly that it is not Orson making our life hell:

1. Orson/Nigmat has lost money on us. We paid to stay for 40 days and ended up being there 60 and he did not bug us for more money (at least not after Stephen's adoption was contested).

2. He has staff continuing to work on our case. They certainly don't want to have staff committing time and money longer than needed.

3. Orson reached a point in our journey when he realized that I was a force to be reckoned with due to my blog and Yahoo groups. He had soooo many people call him and challenge him when I spoke out and it drove him crazy. He would call my husband at work and complain that I wrote something on my blog or in the chat groups. When things were going well (we got our LOI, etc...) he asked constantly for us to post something "positive." He even told me that "many people are watching and waiting to see how your adoption turns out" and that every time something goes wrong the Yahoo groups go wild with posts (he reads ALL of those groups and blogs! Keep that in mind). He became resigned to the fact that our adoption needed to turn out well in order for him not to take another huge hit in his reputation. He made sure everyone in Kaz knew to treat us well and that he didn't want any problems with our case. Nigmat personally picked us up from the airport - which has never happened to my knowledge. Nigmat stayed in constant contact with us throughout the entire trip. When he left the country for other business he had his assistant give us a phone number to reach him every time. Nigmat has been a huge support for us.

4. Orson does NOT want this adoption to end with us not having a child. Orson can be a bit of a drama queen and likes to hype up how his agency does so much more than all the others. He also loves to pat himself on the back when a bad situation is remedied. Right now he is using our situation as the "you think you have problems...just be glad you are not going through what the De Lorenzo's are going through." If we end up winning this case Orson will use our adoption as an example of how his agency fights harder than any other. This will be his "legend" for years to come.

5. Orson also knows if we end up without Stephen - I am coming after him with everything I have. He knows we want every penny back. He also knows that I have the tenacity to fight him him court and destroy his reputation even further than it is already marred. He wants a happy ending to all of this just as much as we do.

Then there is the orphanage. I wish I could place blame there as well, but they did everything they were supposed to by law. I ripped this case apart up and down. I studied every part of the Kazakhstan Law on Family and Marriage - looking for a screw up along the way. The orphanage and the Ministry of Education followed all of the laws. If they didn't we would have lost this case already.

Here is the last scenario people suggest: Maybe Inna (birthmother) or her POA want money. Again, I wish this was the case, because then we could fork over more money and bring our son home. Inna and her POA have not asked for or suggested we pay up to anyone. The only thing the POA did suggest was that we adopt Inna and her unborn child as well as Stephen. We can't risk offering money since this is obviously against the law and would doom our chances of getting Stephen.

So, I hope that eases your mind about any screw ups on the part of AIP or the in-country staff. We are blessed to have the best people possible fighting for us in Ust.

My BIGGEST problem with AIP has and always will be photo referrals and referrals in general. There is NO SUCH THING. We know of NOT A SINGLE COUPLE who adopted their original referral. I feel Orson is inflicting pain knowingly on hundreds of families by allowing them to fall in love with a picture and the dream of THAT child being a part of their family. Until you are in that country and select a child in person and sign the papers...you do not know what child you will end up with. Even after you go to court and the judge grants the adoption...you need to remain cognizant of the fact that the child is not yours until you make it through the entire 15 day appeal period unscathed. It is a crappy way to approach your adoption, but it is a reality.